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Wrecked by Grace

Posted Oct 05 2012 7:00am

Sophie, my greatest teacher.

Recently a mom I know who has a child with developmental delays messaged me on Facebook and asked me to call her. She wanted some ideas and tips on working with her child at home, and she knew I had worked with Sophie to help her overcome her delays. Our talk was good and affirming for both of us, and after we talked we traded emails and I sent helpful product links and app links and encouragement.

And it tore. Me. Apart.

In a good way.

God’s grace in it all just broke me open. It is beyond humbling to me that I am able to use the experiences I had with Sophie to help and encourage another mom.  I can’t tell you what a privilege it is. Does that sound crazy? I am so honored to help. It boggles my mind that anything that I know can be useful to someone else. This isn’t because I have a terribly low opinion of myself (we all know self-esteem is not a problem for ol’ JRap), it’s because when Sophie was going through all her evaluations and we were realizing how very significant her delays were, and I was giantly pregnant with Jonah, I cannot tell you how many times I said, and cried out:

“God, I don’t know how to help her. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not the mother that Sophie needs. I can’t give her what she needs.”

“How can I do this? How am I going to help Sophie when I’ve got another baby to care for? What if I can’t teach her? I don’t know how!”

I was so scared of failing my child. What did I know of developmental delays, of speech or occupational therapy? Nothing, is the answer. I knew nothing.

And yet, here we are. I didn’t know, but I learned. God gave me what I needed and he gave us wonderful therapists and teachers to point me in the right direction. And two years later, to the day…

TO THE DAY, I just realized as I am writing this. Sophie’s preschool teacher pulled me aside  with her concerns two years ago today.

I have to let that sink in for a second. To the day!  And I just realized it! Thank you, Lord. I don’t believe this was a coincidence.

Two years has passed and my darling girl is kicking butt in kindergarten and in life in general. And I am helping other people with what I learned helping her. It just blows my mind that I could be used. When I knew nothing, nothing. Not. A. Thing. I was lost and scared and ignorant. And yet.

Here we are.

God is good. He keeps giving me more gifts of grace.

Three nights ago another mom found this blog through Pinterest when she was searching for ways to help her developmentally delayed child. She found my story of our journey with Sophie. It gave her the exact encouragement she needed, she said.

Her comments wrecked me all over again. I’m so thankful that God truly made all that struggle so beautiful. I’m so thankful to be used. I am blown away, ripped open, blessed and humbled. Torn up. Ripped to shreds.

In a very, very good way.

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