I am really starting to get concerned that this pregnancy may never end. That I won’t get to feel the rush of heading out the door in a fear and panic induced painful contracting state. My birth experience with Kaila was perfect, I got to do the whole fear-panic thing.
Every gas bubble, every fart, every movement I’ve been painstakingly over analyzing hoping that at any moment contractions may start.
I know pregnancy isn’t easy especially near the end, but I feel like crying. My body is tired, I can’t sleep. I can barely move. My vagina feels like someone smashed it in a door (ok so not a good comparison it just HURTS) I don’t want to complain, I want to cry. And while sex may be my answer to it all, I won’t even go there. That subject is yet another that will only make me cry.
Guess what? Somehow with all of my bitching and moaning I am scared..scared that when it happens it will be sudden. Scared that I am not ready. Scared that I can’t push. scared that she’s not ready, and they’ll end up cutting me open. Scared that I will lose my one baby and that she’ll hate me. Scared that I can’t do this….
I am…..simply… every bad, painful, emotion known to man at this point, Crying only makes it worse...