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When You are 40, Friendships Should be Easy. . .Not Hard

Posted Mar 13 2009 3:06pm

I feel that I am truly blessed in that I have surrounded myself with some really wonderful and amazing friends...we laugh together, cry together, giggle together, worry together, eat together and of course - whine and vent a bit about our hubbies or kids together!!

I firmly believe that behind every good marriage is a great group of girlfriends. . .and a good therapist!! :-)

But seriously, I find some of my friends are more work than others. . .do you ever find you walk on eggshells around some of your friends? I would say 99.9% of my friends treat me and make me feel like I can be who I am and while they might have different opinions than I, they are not judgmental.

But that other teeny tiny percentage- oy! Its like I can never win. And I'm not saying that I'm perfect and they are not. I'm not even saying that they aren't warm, loving people that if I needed something I could definitely ask them and I do believe they would be there for me. But the day-to-day relationship is challenging. Sometimes even toxic (or so my other friends and therapist say). Its like oil and water - yet our kids and history perhaps keep us together and coming back for more. And I am not a letter goer - not very easily anyways. I think I allow myself to be treated poorly for awhile - or you would have to do something pretty horrific for me to call it quits (and then its probably more out of self preservation and protection than a truly healthy decision to say "if this person is going to treat me this way, I don't need this friend anymore"). My therapist says I have no boundaries. . .

Do you have friends that you feel don't really treat you the way you deserve to be treated, but for nostalgia purposes you keep them in your life as well? Or are you a lot healthier than me?

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