Look at you, ya beautiful pregnant woman! You glow! There you are, ready to bring life into this world, waddling through grocery stores and Farmers’ Markets. Feeling beautiful and just a little spacey.
Well, what do you know? Turns out that holding the gift of life in your womb makes you a trash receptacle for other peoples’ baggage.
I have had some— shall we say? —interesting comments during my pregnancies. But I also turned to Twitter and Facebook, as well as my friends in real life. Here are some of the funniest and most disturbing comments women have gotten during their nine months with child.
Let me start by saying that it’s not always safe to ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless it is quite clear that she is, like when the baby is crowning.
That said, here are some of the things that you should not say to a pregnant woman. Like, ever.
Are you having twins?
I hope you’re not planning on giving birth naturally.
One of my fiancée’s ex-girlfriends said when she found out I was pregnant, ‘I hope she’s not planning on giving birth vaginally. I have herpes, and I heard that can be a problem’. Nice time to tell us! (We were clean, though.)
Is your husband the father?
Looks like the Titty Fairy visited you again!
Are you going to keep it?
You’re not the first woman to have a baby. (duh.)
Haven’t you figured out how to use birth control yet?
When are you quitting your job? Now that you’ll have two, your husband is going to “let” you stay home, right?
You look like you’re going to pop!
Who’s baby is it?
Don’t you have enough kids already?
You have 9 more months of this.
AND another actual quote:
Giving birth is like sh*tting a ham.
Wow. Those are gems, eh? You’d think idiotic comments like this would stop the moment you do into labor. Sadly, no:
Can you stop pushing? (Reasons: doctor isn’t here/we need to monitor the fetus)
If you don’t put him in the nursery tonight, he could aspirate and die.
Wow! What a way to start that fabulous journey into parenthood!
Oh…and one more tip for the clueless masses? Don’t touch a stranger’s belly. Ever.
How about you? What was the worst thing you were told or asked as you readied to bring life into this world?