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What is too permissive when it comes to teens dating and getting physical


Posted by lcash

  My 14 year old daughter has been "going with" her 14yo boyfriend for 5 months.

They met this past summer on the same swim team.  He is from a very religious, homeschooled background and was sent for the first time to an all boys jesuit High school to begin 9th grade. His only access to peers in the past was church youth group and swim team. He is very monitored and has a  supervised  structured homelife. His, parents believe public schools tarnish character.

My daughter is public school educated,(4.0 a average honor student) We go to church occasionally and on major holidays.  She has many friends and activities and is well rounded, outgoing , respectful and responsible as far as I'm concerned.

 We think they are so cute together and seem to enjoy normal teenage activities. They Hang out in groups, text each other a lot,.  go on group dates to the movies,  football games, swim meets etc..  Then we started allowing more alone time dates like a movie. We like this boy very much.  He comes to our house a lot, stays for dinner.Watches movies with the family and is very comfortable around us.  We have left them at home to babysit the 2 younger (9 & 11) year old siblings for a couple of hours, once or twice.  They seem completely trustwothy.  She sees him only on Friday nites and Sunday afternoons after church.

Physically, they sit together in the same lazy boy reclining chair to watch a movie. They openly hug and snuggle. I recently found a note in her pants pocket  from a friend about figuring out how to french kiss, so I am sure they "make out" when left alone. 

 Occasionally, they watch a movie in her bedroom when the main big tv is occupied by my husband.  I am OK with this.  Her room is on the same level right next to the living room and it is like a family room in there. She has a day bed and uses it as seating.  She has a flat screen and dvd player. The door is open and lights on. I felt they were slightly pushing the boundary when they were in there laying and spooning watching a movie.  I didn't say anything but that is where I draw the line. We are always awake when he is here ,but, I do give them some space.  He always leaves by 10pm.

I now have found a letter in her desk.  (I pick up her room and occasionally put things away in her drawers) It is a list of the things she likes about their relationship.  All very cute and innocent stuff except for the line that reads"We can get away with anything and everything at my house".  I have no idea if I should be concerned. Is way more is going on or  does it just seem like freedom compared to his house where they rarely go.

Am I being too permissive or are things sounding pretty normal?  She is my oldest and we have a great relationship. She has not had other boyfriends in the past so I don't think she plans on corrupting him. I would not consider either one of them fast or promiscuous.

 

 

 
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