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what He is and what He isn't

Posted Mar 21 2013 4:05am
{He's in the details}

My prayers were small.
Because my faith was small.

And then I decided to do something that didn't make sense....
I signed my son and I up to go on a missions trip that would be happening only 4 weeks later.

I didn't think beyond the jump.
I didn't think what I could or couldn't do to make it happen, I just said Yes.

Then just as quickly as I said Yes, my mind began to whisper....
"no, no, no.  God doesn't work like that.  He can't make this happen!  There isn't enough time, enough money, enough faith or, no, no."

And then the battle began...
My faith.
My prayers.
My hope.
My trust.
My own salvation.

Saying Yes was easy.
Letting my Yes be Yes wasn't seeming to be as much.

And then tonight, as I was driving home with a car full of baked treats (all donated from friends) for our bake sale fundraiser and an anonymous jar full of quarters decorated with my sons and my name on it, I felt a strong desire to talk to God.

I couldn't ignore that the blessings that filled my car were so much more than donations for good cause.

They were His blessings.His gifts.His little reminders to me that He is God.And He is listening.
And so I prayed....
GodI know you're capable of big things.I know that, and I've seen it time and again in peoples lives.And somewhere inside me, I believe you're capable of big things in my own life.

 I confess, I don't know why you stay silent on those things that I yearn for...but I do trust that there is a reason for everything you do.
And Lord?
I know you aren't the one who abandoned me.You aren't the ones who have hurt me and let me down.

I have to stop seeing you as them.

Because the truth is... you have never, not once, abandoned those who love, honor and serve you.

And I do.

I may not understand you.I may have been angry, frustrated, and confused because you don't seem to work the way I hope you will...But, I know you are working.And one will all make sense.

And so I'll pray bigger prayers...
with a bigger faith.
And hold onto an unending trust and belief that you will eventually work all things together for good.

I think of all the ways I fail.All the ways I fall short.

And I think of those moments especially when it comes to how I am as a parent.

I try with all my heart to do the best that I can, but I have my days.There are a particular 7 each month that are especially rough...
And in those moments, I am more human than I care to be.
Because I am.Human.Imperfect.
And I want to be sure that my kids never see my mistakes and imperfections as a reflection of who God is.I want them to know, that they know, that they know, that God is who He says He is.
And not what we have experienced people to be here on earth.

He is so much more.
So much better.
So far beyond what we can even imagine goodness to be.
And when I think of it like that, my perspective changes.
I begin to get it...just a little bit more.

© 2013 "Le Musings of Moi"
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