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What good is being married to a computer geek if I can't take advantage of him?

Posted Jan 20 2012 8:00am
I often joke with my friends about how awful it would be to be married to a male gynecologist.

I mean, think about it.  After looking at endless vaginas of all shapes and sizes ALL. DAY. LONG. and having to endure in embarrassing conversations about "women issues", does he tell his horny wife, "Sorry, honey, not tonight.  If I have to look at one more vagina, I'm gonna claw my eyeballs out."

Another example.  The car mechanic.  Does he really want to spend his entire weekend fixing his wife's car, after having spent his entire work week repairing everyone else's car?  Probably not.

Tim is the average computer geek.

Sure, he doesn't exactly look like one...you know, the stereotypical introvert who wears his hair greased and parted on the side, glasses always slipping down to the edge of his nose, pens in his shirt pocket and can't hold a decent conversation to save his life because being around people makes his palms all sweaty.

HTML is his language of love, though...which proves he is, in fact, a complete computer geek.  He loves this kind of stuff so I never gave it much thought any time I had a problem with my computer.

Last week, I opened my laptop and saw some weird test was running. 

"What's this?" I asked him.

Complete silence.

"Yo, computer geek.  What's this on my laptop?  It's doing something strange," I repeated.

"Oh, are you talking to me?" he asked.

Bordering on annoyance, I said, "Yes, I'm talking to you.  You are the resident computer expert, aren't you?"

He walked over to my laptop, shrugged his shoulders and then went back to eating his breakfast.

"Well?" I begged.  "Is that normal?"

"I don't know.  Let it finish running the test and then I'll look at it," he explained, nonchalantly.

20 minutes later, the test was still running and I was growing more worried.

"Will you please have a look at my laptop?  Something's not right," I pleaded.

He rolled his eyes and said, "Okay, okay....geez, calm down."

"I can't calm down.  My entire life is on that laptop!"

"Have you been backing everything up like I showed you?  The pictures?  Your book?", he asked.

I mumbled under my breath, "Uh, not exactly."

"Dammit," he shouted.  "I told you to back everything up!  This is the third time this has happened!"

"Well, any time I work on my book, I save it to a flash drive but I kept forgetting to take care of the pictures.  You know, I kept meaning to and then I'd forget," I tried to explain.

He shoved his chair away from the table and sat in front of my laptop.  I watched his fingertips tap endlessly on the keyboard. 

"Shit," he sighed.  "Probably a virus or your hard drive crashed."

With that, he went upstairs. 

"Well," I shouted after him.  "What should I do?"

"Just shut it off when it's done running the test and I'll work on it when I can," he replied.

"But I need my laptop NOW," I pleaded.

"Just use another computer until I can get to it.  Use the one I'm preparing for the demo in Vegas."

Later that day, after he had a chance to look at my poor laptop, Tim said, "I'm going to see if I can recover all your docs and pics off your hard drive.  But I'm getting sick of this always happening.  You HAVE to backup everything.  I tell you this all the time!"

"I guess I figure you can always fix it if there's a problem," I commented.

"I can't always fix it, though.  That's the problem.  You think I can just work magic and fix everything.  Just back everything up from now on and stop putting me through this!"

"But...but....but you're a computer whiz.  You can fix anything.  Friends call and you rush to fix THEIR computers.  My mom and sister always have computer issues and you have no problem helping them.  You're like the super hero of computers!" I offered.

"Whatever," he remarked.

"Don't 'whatever' me!" I complained. "You love this kind of stuff.  What good is being married to a computer geek if I can't take advantage of you!"

Uh-oh...I knew where this was headed.  Me and my big mouth.

"Tell you what," he smiled slyly.  "You can take advantage of me if you let me take advantage of you."

"Well, that's not exactly fair now.  I mean, you fix everyone else's computer with no expectations.  Why not mine too?"

Tim shrugged his shoulders.  "That's the deal.  Take it or leave it."

My laptop now sits naked, without its hard drive, on the kitchen table.

It's being held hostage, basically.  And I'm getting more and more desperate to be reunited with my beloved laptop.

I may have to let Tim take advantage of me so he'll get the damn thing working for me again.

Sigh...

I wonder if our dentist's wife has to put out any time she needs a root canal.

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