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*UPDATE*UPDATE*UPDATE*

Posted Feb 07 2009 12:00am
I cannot believe a week has passed since my last post! Bad Joy, bad! Okay so it partially wasn't my fault- my computer got sick. She's all better now, thank you.

Anyway, I'm weighing in at 181 lbs now. But apparently my scale is 4 lbs off so technically I am 177 lbs. I haven't decided if I should just go by what my scale says since that is a constant or if I should deduct 4 lbs from my weigh-ins. Believe me, I'd love to deduct 4 lbs because it is 1). accurate & real and 2). it makes me look a lot better! For some reason 177 looks way better than 181 even though it's only a 3-pound difference. I weigh less than I did when I got pregnant with Abby!

The past few days have been amazing, weather-wise. We have spent so much time outdoors. And this is where I get really excited. My energy and motivation are so high that it's unbelievable. Yesterday (Friday) was the first time I took Elaina to a park and wanted to go.

It was the first time I went to the park and had the energy to chase my girls around all over the playground and even climb the blasted thing and slide with them. I'm telling you- I haven't done this since I was a teenager.

I'm finding it hard to articulate exactly what I'm trying to say. I wasn't lazy before, I was just sluggish because of poor eating habits and not getting enough H2O (that's water for those who never took chemistry). I took one look at the weather and said, "We are going OUTside right now!" Before this entire weight loss journey it didn't matter how warm it was outside- I never took my kids to the park because it was "too much work" and "too tiring".

Well that has changed. I want to get outside and I want to take my kids out. One of my favorite things about life, which helped cultivate this love for Wicca in my past before I became a Christian, is nature (I now know and understand God is the creator of nature, which makes it even more lovely; not the gods that make up Wicca!). I love being in the woods, I love feeling the breeze, I love gazing at the sky and watching clouds, I love the feel of tree bark beneath my fingertips. Nature is just so pure and romantic to me and it moves me very deeply.

So needless to say it felt GREAT to get out. It felt great to see my kids so delighted. Especially because I was able to climb up there with them instead of watching from below impatiently. We also walked a few blocks down to our church to pick up something Daddy had left in his office instead of driving down there. It has just been glorious weather! The breeze kissing my face and messing my hair was so refreshing!

And my size 14 jeans I've been wearing? They're now a few inches loose as well. But size 12 jeans are still a dream at this point- they'd just be too tight. Hoping within 2 weeks that I'm in size 12! I'll have to pick up a pair somewhere since I don't have any that size, but it's okay. I can just donate them to charity when I'm done using them or keep them in case I do get pregnant at some point before my goal and need post-partum jeans.

Speaking of pregnancy- my cycles are really screwy. I have no idea what is going on and I'm kind of relieved. There's no pressure to avoid or achieve anything. We'll just be and let God do as He pleases.

As it stands- AF is predicted to arrive either on Valentine's Day OR my birthday (Feb. 28)... unless I was to unexpectedly get a BFP. Then it'd be HAPPY Valentine's Day or a HAPPY Birthday. Whatever happens, so long as I'm down to about 170 lbs by my birthday, I'll be a happy girl.

I feel like a walking complexity as I struggle between this TTC business and weight loss. Forgive me! I know I'm being confusing. But remember, I'm just letting things happen naturally. Whatever comes first (weight loss or BFP), comes first at this point. And I say it that way because even if we did avoid pregnancy- if it was God's will for us to have a baby He would make a way (we are not celibate people).
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