I had a dream about you last night, I was telling you something, we were laughing. I woke up and reached for the phone to call you, you would love this story. Then it hit me. Like a huge wave crashing on top of me, I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was tumbling in the waves, drowning. The realitization. The truth. What I swallow down like a huge lump, down deep inside, hoping the memory will never resurface. The truth. That I will never see you again. That you are gone, that I can't smell you on my hands after I go home. That your love won't envelope me like the warmest of all blankets. Never. Never. How can that be? Why can't it be easier, why can't I accept it. Why did it have to be you. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why.