Last week I took The Husband away for a birthday treat to Slaley Hall Hotel in Northumberland. It was just what we needed. Two nights alone, away from home. There was lots of lolling by the pool, eating amazing food, spa treatments and lots of relaxation.
We learned a few things;
‘This is the life …’ is written on the tall bar man’s apron. It is not reflected in his miserable face.
When you text your friend to tell her they do not sell Knob Creek in the bar she will text you back and tell you to leave immediately.
When you get talking to the Polish bar man and try to regale him with a verse of Happy Birthday in Polish it is best to try and get the words right. ‘Nasty Rash, Nasty Rash’ does in no way pass for ‘Jeszcze Raz, Jeszcze Raz’.
If The Husband asks the short bar man for a glass of ‘light red wine’, 3 hours later you will nearly die from shock when you are presented with a bill which states that the two glasses of wine that The Husband drank, and said weren’t all that nice, were £9.55 each.
You will spend the remainder of your stay muttering ‘robbing b*stard’ under your breath each and every time the short bar man walks past with a smug look on his face.
When The Husband makes note of the height difference of approximately 4.5 feet between the tall and the short bar man it wipes the smug look of the small bar man’s face and makes the tall, miserable bar man smile like a goon.
Other than that you had a marvellous time and want to go away again very soon.
… but you are still wondering why you were asked to remove your bra and top for a facial in the spa.