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Things I’m never going to do.

Posted Aug 07 2012 9:14am

Because women don’t feel bad enough about all the things they’re not doing already, someone had to go and invent Pinterest.

Thanks a lot, jackwagons.

Now, you know I love me some Pinterest. We have a whole carnival dedicated to it, for the love. I really do find it useful as a way to get ideas and to organize links.

But. It’s also a fabulous way for me to be fully aware of my failures and shortcomings. So, to make myself feel better, I started a new pin board called “Things I’m never going to do.” And really people – be honest – do 90% of the things you pin not REALLY belong on a board like this? I thought so. It’s not that they’re not lovely ideas that will ensure my kids end up smart and creative, make me drop 5 pounds by noon, or turn my house into an organized oasis of calm. They totally are. It’s just – I’m never going to do them.

Here are a few things that made the list.

Make your own Chick Fil-A sandwich!

Image from Cooking and Eating From Away in Maine

Who doesn’t love a Chick Fil-A sandwich? But for real – making them at home in 49 easy steps? No thanks. That’s why God invented drive-thrus. And while you’re there, pick up a banana pudding milk shake. You can thank me later.

Next up, packing school lunches that look like something other than food.

Image from

I can only imagine the excitement a third grader feels upon opening his lunchbox and finding a (healthy, I might add) replica of his favorite game that his mom lets him play on her iPhone when she needs a moment’s peace and quiet. But seriously – it is all. I. Can. Do. to get Kate’s lunch packed in the first place. In fact, there have been mornings that I have pleaded “Can’t you just buy your (high-fructose-corn-syrup-laden-better-moms-wouldn’t-feed-to-their-dogs) lunch at school?” I feel like mom of the freaking year when I remember to write a little note on Kate’s napkin. Odds of me making Phineas and Ferb likenesses out of turkey are not good.

And then there are the home improvement projects. Remodel your kitchen using only toothpicks and chewing gum! Crochet your own ziploc bags! Whittle your own dining room table!

Turn a trampoline into a… I don’t know… thing that looks pretty but is bound to result in broken bones!

Picture from

People. Come on. Let’s be serious.

It’s time to lower our standards. And Pinterest is really not helping.

Also – the inspirational quotes? Piss me off. But that’s a whole other post.

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