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the truth is...

Posted Oct 08 2012 6:00am
The truth is...
{what my last few weeks have taught me}

~ I'm not being so Rocky about my workouts and eating after all.  It seems there is something about my mid 30's that has taken all my willpower out of me.  And now I have more weight to lose yet I don't want to diet because I like to eat.  It's just that my insecurities are out of control which cause me to cry....A LOT...and it's time to figure out how to get my healthy back and stay there.

~ I cry A LOT the week before my period.  To those of you who had to witness that, I'm sorry.  But thank you deep from my soul for listening.

~ I love love love homeschooling .  But, maybe that's because I have no idea what the heck I'm doing most of the time.  But my family is closer.  My kids are more affectionate.  My husband is even more my best friend than he's ever been.

~ I sometimes think I may have made a mistake in homeschooling.  What if he ends up not being as smart as he could be?  What if I start yelling more and more?  What if, what if, what if??

~ We are two weeks into escrow of selling my cute little dream house .  I love this house.  But we realized we aren't cut out to be home owners at this point in our life.  I'm excited for the change but will miss the memories and growth we experienced in our little "tree house."

~ Even though we're two weeks into escrow, we don't know for sure where we will be living in two and a half weeks.  We haven't even packed.  I will be moving in two and a half weeks, maybe, and I don't even know where.  We have a place we love, but now we wait while they decide which family they love most.  My heart may break if they don't choose us.  I wish I knew that we had them at "hello."  Maybe I should bring flowers?  Okay, no.  I do know enough to realize that is borderline stalking.  It's okay, living in our car won't be so bad.  On the bright side, we'll save a TON of money.

~ I'm in this awesome (ongoing) place of finding out more about myself.  I am seeing things more clearly.  I'm even understanding friends and friendships with a fresh perspective.  It's comforting and a little sad, but something I needed to grasp.  But, it's incredible because my eyes and heart are now open to those I know are true.  Faults and all, they are true.

~ My whole life is changing.  There is incredible stress.  But I am not panicking. There is NO anxiety.  And I realize, at last, there has been healing.  Thank you sweet Jesus, for healing.

~ Finally, I keep going back to these words, "...living a surrendered life..." spoken by an incredible woman I call Mama Gayle.  I want to live those words.  Without even trying.

What are your truths?

© 2012 "Le Musings of Moi"
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