Part 1 "Please forgive me. I've been sitting on this post for awhile, relishing it, not really ready to share. Please understand, this time has been very dear to me, and you'll soon see why. July, 2010 Here I am, sitting on an airplane headed to California to see a very dear friend of mine. You see, this friend just so happens to be a Grammy winning Rock Star! A singer of a very well known American band. I'm elated and scared. It's been a bit since I've seen him last. Our visits growing more seldom since I left California. I'm a writer, I've always been a writer. Sometimes I'm funny, sometimes serious but whatever may strike at the moment I will put it on paper, or in this case the Ipad. Granted, I'm many other things too. I even have a college education and a practicing profession, none related to writing what so ever. I'm good at what I do, but nothing compares to my true passion for the English language and human emotion. Maybe this is the very same reason why I'm keeping a diary of this awesome repetitive event. To read and feel.
To reread and feel again. Please join me? I'm sitting next to a very large lady eating a fucking sandwich. The plane hardly left the run way as she's staring at my Ipad. What the fuck? Really lady, really? I'm not staring at your stinky ass tuna fish sandwich, or maybe I was...but seriously...allow me to remain in my own demented world in my head please... Sooooooo many things are running through my brain right now, like...I wonder if he's aged a bit? I wonder if I have? Will I feel just as comfortable as I always have , now that he's a father? Will it be the same as it was years ago for me? Fun and spontaneous? Memories of stupidity just to make more memories of stupidity? I realize its harder now for he's super famous and I'm super normal. He's a multi millionaire and I work everyday.
I budget, he laughs. There was a time when we were both the same... Lost...... "
No answers, no freebies, no guidance, minor fame and very little recognition.
Just thoughts, emotions, a pen and a very mangled notebook that traveled various of places.
Stuck in my brain.
Stuck in his.
The plane lands at a very well known airport, and I'm picked up by a driver. He can't meet me there for there's way too many people with cameras and way too many people that know who he is. He prefers the privacy and I the anonymity. A secret known to very few.
You see, he always took care of me. A big brother of sorts and I a little sister seeking refuge. The refuge just so happened to be a person that achieved great fame.
I had a very hard, troubled life. None of it really brought upon me. Just a victim of a shitty circumstance and it is this very same circumstance that brought the two of us together.
I used to curse at the world.. Why me? Why was I the one that had to be born to a drug addict? A women that had no care in the world except for her self and her drugs? Why couldn't I have been lucky enough to have a family? To have siblings? To have someone that cared for me? If you had asked me my thoughts on God at that time, I would have laughed at you....
I was raised by multiple families and in multiple foster homes and orphanages until I decided that I had had enough.
I was a border kid and despised it.
Enough of other people telling me what to do. Enough of everything......
I was 15 at the time and went from border kid to run away....
He still keeps his role, and I mine.
An unspoken promise amongst two souls that were lost sometime ago, but founded. A promise that was never breached. A promise that made the two of us believe that trust really truly exists.
My entire life was based on that then nonexistent word, "trust".
Trust was only a word not an action. The same went with the word "love".
Trust and love didn't exist for either of the two of us. To trust and to love meant you had to have human emotions.
Both of which we were free from.
Let me tell you how bland and carefree life is when neither of the two emotions exist in ones soul.
It's amazing how the human brain works. We both may have been missing those two emotions, but our consciences were huge!
I think it had to be to function on a semi human level. Maybe even to relate on a semi human level.
I may not have cared so much about myself, but I cared greatly about others. I tend to think that this quality is what might have linked us together as well.
That and our intellect!
You see he is a genius of sorts and always thought outside the box, I on the other hand scored a 148 on a standard IQ test and believed that "outside of the box" was a way of life and not an option. I always had a thing for numbers, almost to a fault....he did as well..
He liked to think that birthday numbers were truly celestial. He said that is why we were the same, because of our numbers. He has still maintained this belief, only managing to have long term relationships with women of a "compatible number".
I always thought the number thing to have been amazing but didn't live my life by it until.......