The Post Where I Don’t Mention Drinking or Eating or My Kids (Okay, One Kid Mention)
Posted Mar 10 2010 3:49pm
So I think that Larry King Live or as I refer to it now, “My Chit Chat With Lar” is going to air tomorrow at 6 pm pst and not on Friday (but I could be wriong so don’t get all over the top angry at me if things don’t pan out exactly the way the CNN website has listed). I am but a small segment of the show approximately 45 min. in. That doesn’t make me less important, just less…chit chatty. If you are upset by how little I am on the show I suggest you call CNN directly and alert them of this huge miscarriage of justice -while you have them on the phone, tell them that I need my own show where I discuss important apolitical topics such as; Splenda: Friend or Foe? and Trader Joe’s: What’s With the Friendly Fucking Attitude? and David Sedaris: I Don’t Get You. Once CNN approaches me and makes their offer, we can discuss a percentage for you for hooking this up. Hey, if that’s not a reason to watch the show, I don’t know what is.
Also, did I mention that after the taping I tried to shake Lar’s hand and he offered up a fist bump instead? Yeah, he Howie Mandel’d me. I couldn’t believe it myself. It’s not like I had crack pipe residue on my fingers or like I’d just walked out of the ladies room and announced “Hoo boy, the sink doesn’t work.” Whatever. I’m not going to take it personally.
Tom Arnold was really nice. Mackenzie Phillips was also really nice. Dr. Drew seemed like a nice person and when I told him that Anna commented on my blog that he needs to get into Alanon, he laughed and said “touche” and then agreed that he really was too enmeshed with his clients. Also, I showed him a picture of my twins (he has triplets) and he announced that Sadie looked great and she was going to be “just fine.” From now on, I’d like all my medical diagnoses to be done that way. I’m just going to email over pictures of my kids to their pediatrician and then ask if they need antibiotics or just to ride it out. I’m also going to send my GP my headshot to see if he can intuit which headache I have; tension? sinus? or migraine?
Of course, I’m sure my medical bills will be just as high.