I'm been a little stressed lately. I'm wound so tight that I can't even think. My body aches. I'm pretty sure I haven't been eating. I can't sleep because my mind is racing. I feel very agitated.
I think I'm still being my nice, sweet self...I pretty sure anyway. But I'll be honest, my crankiness has caused me to be a little short with my kid. Certainly not the usual let's hang out, play, color, do whatever makes you happy mom. I've been the let me drag you around all day to do the things I need to do mom. I hate those moms. Unfortunately, I don't have a choice. The contractors are moving at warp speed which means I have to spend most of the day at Home Depot.
Here's the thing. Every time I say, "Please just sit down for five more minutes!" or "Would you go to sleep already, I have a million things I have to do!" I immediately feel overwhelmed with guilt as soon as the words come out. Normal, right? Then I take a deep breath and remind myself how this kid is my whole life and I love her with everything inside me. Then I apologize for snapping at her, kiss her, squeeze her tight and remind her that I love her.
She probably doesn't understand what exactly I'm talking about, but I hope that she's getting the message that it's okay to get upset, but if you hurt someones feelings, say you're sorry. What I hope she's not picking up on is the fact that Mommy's got a screw or two loose.
Being a parent is hard, being a single parent is twice as hard. So my message of the day is to forgive yourself for snapping at your kid. The key is to apologize to them. Hug and kiss them a lot when you're not cranky so they know you love them. Hug and kiss them a lot when you are cranky because it will make you feel better. And most importantly, take deep breaths. It'll help you clear your mind and refocus on what's important.
And if my Mom's reading this, yes Mom, I know I need to meditate. Breathe in. breathe out. Deep breaths. And as usual, my Mom's always right.