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The Lazy Housewife's Guide To Having A Sort-Of Clean House.

Posted Oct 14 2009 10:03pm
I love having a super sparkly spotless house as much as the next girl. Nothing thrills me more than looking at my hardwood floors and seeing nothing but shiny-ness and the absence of dog hair and crumbs. But, umm, hi, I have two kids and a dog and errands to run and playdates to make and when I'm averaging 2.5 showers a week, scrubbing the floors on my hands and knees isn't exactly a priority. So today I was thinking about all of the ways I manage to cut corners on housework and then I thought, "Man, it's a wonder that my house is not covered in mold and that we don't have an ant infestation." But it's not! On 6 out of 7 days of the week, I could proudly have company over and not have them run back to their car shrieking something about calling the Department of Human Services. As long as they don't open that closet door in the hallway.

1. Pizza boxes from last night? Go in the oven. Because the outside trash bin is full.

2. Spray Lysol on a bunch of stuff because then at least the house will smell clean.

3. When you've just swept and inevitably notice that you forgot to wipe the countertops off first? Sweep the crumbs off the counters into that little space between the cabinets and the refrigerator or stove.

4. The doorbell rings and there is an unannounced visitor at your house. Quickly kick all small toys and bits of paper and crayons under the couch or coffee table.

5. Don't have time to sweep? Put your 9 month old in some footed pajamas and let him crawl around the kitchen on his belly.

6. Keep refilling that big pot in the kitchen sink with hot water and dish soap. People will think that you're just letting it soak instead of realizing that it's actually been sitting there since last Thursday.

7. When all else fails, just walk around the house with a huge garbage bag and throw everything you see away. Tell the three year old that the dog ate her Polly Pockets because she left them sitting on the floor.
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