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The Future Looks Bleak, I Gotta Wear Spades!

Posted Oct 23 2009 10:02pm

I remember the first time I got "my cards read," I was only 13 (my middle girl's age) and it freaked me out, big time.

Her name was Charlotte and she practiced " cartomancy," which sounds an awful lot like " gastromancy," but has nothing to do with being romantically involved with someone who works for the gas company -- although, considering today's economy, it certainly would be a perk -- she was, however, no " charlatan."

"You will marry a man, with 5 letters in his name and you will have 4 children."

See?

"Your brother will have a career in the Army and marry the Colonel's daughter."

HAH!  Actually, I think her father was a Sargent, or something!

"You and your children will live a long and happy life."

Perhaps it's because of my Hungarian upbringing.

"You will find that you too have a special gift."

Gosh, but my grandmother could tell wickedly scary ghost stories from the old country -- but, I personally have seen some really wierd stuff to believe that there are many people who are indeed born with "special gifts."  

[shiver]

Like seeing far ahead into the future and helping others find their path(s) in life.

"Use it wisely!"

I am NOT one of those people.

"Hey Mom, have you ever heard of Tarot cards?"

Now, here's the thing.  I could say this:

"Why yes, yes I have, in fact, I have a pack upstairs, in my lingerie drawer, right now!"

Besides the fact that, you know, after 4 kids and nearly 20 years of marriage, sadly, there's just not much use for sexy lingerie, anymore.

( shutup, Mominatrix! )

"Wanna see?"

Or, I could say this:

"Why yes, in fact, a bunch of us moms went to a psychic party, but she wasn't as good as the guy I saw a few years ago, who told me that one of my children will inherit my grandmother's gift."

Although, I can totally understand some people's need to feel as if there were some sort of pre-determined road ahead and that, somehow, someone, or something would be able to, you know, give them a heads up, about it, or something.

"Yes, yes, your children WILL live a long and happy life."

[knocks on wood until knuckles bleed]

I'm just not quite sure I want to expose my kids to, for lack of a better term, anything that ends in "mancy."

"Mom, are you listening to me?"

My special gift?

"Um...so, where did YOU hear about Tarot Cards?"

I am an expert, however, in the art of changing "the subject."

"I saw you looking through some books at Barnes & Noble, the other night."

Stealth parenting?

"Um...so, you want to go to the book store tonight?"

Not so much.

"Okay, I get it, something about your childhood and you just don't know how to talk about it, right now, right?" 

See?

"Yes, yes, I would LOVE to go to the book store!"

Aaaaand, it seems to run in the family.

"Somehow, I knew that you would!"

(shutup Charlotte!)

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