Envy is a nasty, nasty thing. To not only be unsatisfied with what you have, to be ungrateful, but to also covet what is not yours...well, it just seems to bring out the worst in people.
Envy is the sin that leads people to commit dumb crimes. You know the ones I'm talking about. When a bully beats up another kid to steal his sneakers. When a group of guys assaults a lone kid on the subway simply to snatch his iPod. So. Effing. Stupid.
I am guilty of envy to a certain degree. I think we all are. Some of us have extreme envy, others just a touch.
My particular envy is pretty mild. I don't tend to be envious of others' beauty. I'm satisfied with myself. I don't tend to be envious of others' possessions. I think when you own too much, your things tend to own you. I don't tend to envy money. I'm a realist who knows that there is a level of wealth that is simply out of my reach. I will never own a home here, have a summer house in Miami, and a condo in the city. I'm ok with that. [Ok, fine, so I would totally die for a condo in Manhattan, but whatever.]
My envy is geared towards something much more general: Security.
I envy the security of a steady income that others have. [There is nothing steady about the trucking industry.] I envy the security of those who own their own home. I would love to own my own home. Not a big house. I'm not looking for acres of property. Hell, I don't even care if it only has one bathroom, so long as it's mine. Just thinking about my children coming home from school to an actual house makes my heart ache with longing. I envy the security of those who do not have to pick and choose which bills to pay each month. I envy the security of those who do not have to stick to a rigid budget at the grocery store in order to also afford to put gas in the tank. I envy the security of those who can send their children off to school with confidence because they know the school system is a good one. I am envious of those who don't have a constant tension in their chest due to the precarious nature of their finanicial situation. I'm envious of those who sleep in peace instead of having uncomfortable dreams about the bottom falling out from underneath their feet.
I know that someday I'll have the security that I envy so. However, at this time, in this job market, that someday seems so far away. For now, all I have is my envy...and my hope.
Thanks Jill for giving the seven deadly sins a virtual rebirth.