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Teenage girls, boys, and DRAMA

Posted Jan 08 2009 4:26pm
When H was in 5th grade, one of the boys in her class "asked her out". Of course, in 5th grade, they don't go anywhere. But you wouldn't know that from listening to them talk.

"Well, Brandi was going out with Billy, but then he broke up with her and started going out with Anne", or "John asked me out, but I really like George, so I said No."

Well, when the boy (who she has known since preschool) "asked her out", she wasn't sure she was "ready". So she explained that to him. He decided he would wait until she was ready. So at every birthday party or play practice for the next few weeks, he would pout in the corner, because he was sad. All H's friends told her she was breaking his heart, so she relented and said "yes".

Suddenly, her buddy, who up until this moment was a friend she was very comfortable around, became her "boyfriend" and they stopped talking. "Everything changed," she said, and wished aloud that she could go back to the way it was before. The straw that broke the camel's back was the day, after the middle school assembly, that he grabbed her hand and held it for the entire 25 foot walk from the auditorium to their classroom. She was embarrassed, uncomfortable, and decided that she needed to break up with him.

A few weeks later, a boy she'd had a crush on since 3rd grade (who had transferred to another school), "asked her out". He actually had the guts to call her on the phone (our house phone, since she didn't have a cell phone yet), and ask her if she would go out. The funny thing was, they didn't speak before that, nor did they speak after that. But she was "going out with him". She found out through a friend a couple of weeks later that he was "breaking up with her". I don't know if she's spoken to him since.

So, with that vast amount of experience under her belt, she decided she was "not going to date boys anymore". She said, "When I date boys, everything changes, so I would rather just be friends."

That worked great for a couple of years. She played basketball, ran track, and hung out with her girlfriends, so she didn't really have time for boys. Then, in 7th and 8th grade, to her dismay, all her girlfriends started getting interested in boys. She kept up her mantra of "not dating", and counseled her friends through their various crushes. I think that if she had not gone to the same school for Kindergarten through 8th grade, boys might have interested her a little bit earlier, but in her mind, the boys at her school were like her brothers, and did not interest her in the slightest.

Fast forward to high school. New school, new faces, and boys are entering the equation. Only one problem (in her mind, not ours!). She's at an all-girl's school, and playing basketball, so she's at school from 7:30 a.m.-6 p.m. every day (unless there's a game, which puts her there until 7:30-8:00). Not a lot of time to get out and meet the boys. All fine, except there is a winter formal at her school, and the girls have to find dates.

After school started last fall, they began having freshman "mixers". H would get together with a few girls to get dressed, and go en masse to the party. When I would ask how it went, she always said, "great", but she never mentioned meeting anyone. Until the last party before the holidays. One of the boys she had met at the homecoming dance asked for her phone number. So they began texting. She was toying with the idea of asking him, but had never done anything like that, and didn't really know how she was going to do it, when one of her new friends asked who she was going to invite. She told her she was thinking about this boy, and the friend said, "ooohhhh", and looked disappointed. H asked who she was going to invite and she said she was thinking about the same boy.

So H said, "Oh, no, you go ahead and invite him. Seriously. I don't want a boy to come between our friendship. I'll probably just invite someone from my old school."

And she came home and cried.

She didn't want to invite any of her old friends, she really wanted to invite this boy. Never mind that the dance was three months away.

"Who knows who you'll meet between now and then," I said.

"No one," she said, "it's winter break, and then basketball, so there's NO ONE!"

Enter DRAMA into our lives.

I will say that this issue has been resolved, but I'm going to have to finish writing it tomorrow. It's late, and part of my new Year's Resolution is to get off the computer at a decent hour and spend time with my hubby.

More tomorrow. TTFN!

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