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Sex

Posted Nov 04 2009 10:02pm
* Warning to those who know me who may not want to know sordid details of my sex life
(Ahem, Court - that would be you)

As of nearly 2 weeks ago now, my OB has given me the go-ahead to have 'relations'. I wasn't about to though unless I was assured I would not get pregnant. No pill, no condom and no spermicide could assure that so I waited until it was safe to get THE SHOT. LOL
I swore before my first pregnancy when I thought that DepoProvera had made me infertile that I would never take THE SHOT again. I lied.
But now I have a dilemma.
I don't want sex.
Not in the morning, not in the afternoon and not at night.
I don't want it for me, I don't want it for him. I just don't want it and no amount of 'stimulation' changes my feelings on it.
I have come up with several reasons as to why.

- Maybe being a mom of two, having spitup and poop up to my elbows on a daily basis just doesn't make me feel sexy.
- Maybe its because it has to be a 'quickie' and I can't truly enjoy it
- Maybe its because the girls are right here and at any moment they'll wake up
- Maybe its because it has to be planned for when the girls are sleeping
- Maybe its because when the girls are sleeping is when I want to write and I don't like being robbed of my writing time.
- Maybe its because of the depo shot. It is said to lower the libido
- Or maybe, just maybe its because I just don't feel physical toward my husband any more.

I much prefer Ol' reliable - My hand
I feel awful actually. He has been very sweet. Very helpful with the house and with the girls since his return from Mexico. In all rights he deserves sex. I just don't want to be the one to give it to him.
Okay that sounds bad. It's not like I want him to go out and cheat on me. Nor do I want an open marriage where he brings someone home when he's in the mood. I guess I just don't want to be the one he's constantly rubbing up against, feeling up, and saying 'do you wanna?'to. Cuz NO I don't wanna. But it's hard to tell someone that over and over and over again.
((sigh))
I need an excuse. A good excuse. But I can't come up with one.
((deeper sigh))

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