* Warning to those who know me who may not want to know sordid details of my sex life (Ahem, Court - that would be you)
As of nearly 2 weeks ago now, my OB has given me the go-ahead to have 'relations'. I wasn't about to though unless I was assured I would not get pregnant. No pill, no condom and no spermicide could assure that so I waited until it was safe to get THE SHOT. LOL I swore before my first pregnancy when I thought that DepoProvera had made me infertile that I would never take THE SHOT again. I lied. But now I have a dilemma. I don't want sex. Not in the morning, not in the afternoon and not at night. I don't want it for me, I don't want it for him. I just don't want it and no amount of 'stimulation' changes my feelings on it. I have come up with several reasons as to why.
- Maybe being a mom of two, having spitup and poop up to my elbows on a daily basis just doesn't make me feel sexy. - Maybe its because it has to be a 'quickie' and I can't truly enjoy it - Maybe its because the girls are right here and at any moment they'll wake up - Maybe its because it has to be planned for when the girls are sleeping - Maybe its because when the girls are sleeping is when I want to write and I don't like being robbed of my writing time. - Maybe its because of the depo shot. It is said to lower the libido - Or maybe, just maybe its because I just don't feel physical toward my husband any more.
I much prefer Ol' reliable - My hand I feel awful actually. He has been very sweet. Very helpful with the house and with the girls since his return from Mexico. In all rights he deserves sex. I just don't want to be the one to give it to him. Okay that sounds bad. It's not like I want him to go out and cheat on me. Nor do I want an open marriage where he brings someone home when he's in the mood. I guess I just don't want to be the one he's constantly rubbing up against, feeling up, and saying 'do you wanna?'to. Cuz NO I don't wanna. But it's hard to tell someone that over and over and over again. ((sigh)) I need an excuse. A good excuse. But I can't come up with one. ((deeper sigh))