"Mum," said Jack. "We're starting sex education this week at school." He looked at me smirking. "Is there anything you want to tell me before school does?" I giggled childishly: "Mum you are three times my age, stop giggling."
"OK... hm... well - you shouldn't have sex with someone you don't love."
He rolled his eyes at me: "
You are saying that?
Hello, you had sex with my dad,
obviously, and you didn't love him."
"Yes, I did love him, Jack. Of course I did. I've loved all the men I ever had sex with."
"But you aren't with him now."
"Sometimes love doesn't last. And by the way, sex is
illegal until you are sixteen so don't even think about it." A silent pause, Jack rocks backwards on his chair. "I mean it."
"OK, OK."
"Because sex is an emotional thing. That's why you used to have to wait until marriage. Now it's a bit different."
"OK. OK"
"And you have heard of contraception?"
"What's that, drugs?"
"To stop girls getting pregnant. Like condoms, they are kind of balloons you put on your penis."
"Right. I saw those in the petrol station toilets when we went on a school trip, three for a pound." He thinks for a moment. "And in Sainsbury's toilets."
"And ladies can take a pill."
"When?"
"Everyday."
"You only get one chance," I tell him. "You don't want to be a young dad, be a dad in your thirties. That's what people do now."
"Except all the teenage pregnancies."
"Well, not many of those."
"Thousands as I understand it."
We're getting in murky territory here: I need a distraction. "Go and brush your teeth," I tell him. "And gather your things ready for school. And you do know that your body is already producing sperm?"
"Yes," he says, with a groan like I am stupid and outdated. "My body started doing that ages ago."
Goodness gracious horrible, I can't believe we're having this conversation at 8am over Weetabix.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
"OK... hm... well - you shouldn't have sex with someone you don't love."
He rolled his eyes at me: " You are saying that? Hello, you had sex with my dad, obviously, and you didn't love him."
"Yes, I did love him, Jack. Of course I did. I've loved all the men I ever had sex with."
"But you aren't with him now."
"Sometimes love doesn't last. And by the way, sex is illegal until you are sixteen so don't even think about it." A silent pause, Jack rocks backwards on his chair. "I mean it."
"OK, OK."
"Because sex is an emotional thing. That's why you used to have to wait until marriage. Now it's a bit different."
"OK. OK"
"And you have heard of contraception?"
"What's that, drugs?"
"To stop girls getting pregnant. Like condoms, they are kind of balloons you put on your penis."
"Right. I saw those in the petrol station toilets when we went on a school trip, three for a pound." He thinks for a moment. "And in Sainsbury's toilets."
"And ladies can take a pill."
"When?"
"Everyday."
"You only get one chance," I tell him. "You don't want to be a young dad, be a dad in your thirties. That's what people do now."
"Except all the teenage pregnancies."
"Well, not many of those."
"Thousands as I understand it."
We're getting in murky territory here: I need a distraction. "Go and brush your teeth," I tell him. "And gather your things ready for school. And you do know that your body is already producing sperm?"
"Yes," he says, with a groan like I am stupid and outdated. "My body started doing that ages ago."
Goodness gracious horrible, I can't believe we're having this conversation at 8am over Weetabix. Wrong, wrong, wrong.