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Rock star + Stage fright = Fame is never gonna happen

Posted Jun 04 2009 11:12pm
Yesterday was Cole and Bella's preschool graduation. As I watched the kids walk into the classroom for their little ceremony, I started thinking back to their first day of preschool last August. Has it really been a year already? Wasn't it just yesterday that when I dropped them off at school for the first day, my brain had to convince my heart that they would be fine, even though they were both sobbing? Each time I tried to walk out of the classroom and they would cry for me, I felt like I was throwing them to the wolves. So I kept going back and letting them cling to me, which apparently is the worst thing a parent can do. Although I think I've done much worse things than that over the last 4 years....trust me on that.

Anyway, I had a lump in my throat as they marched into the classroom in their adorable caps and gowns. I think my heart melted into a huge puddle right there. Some of the other moms were already crying and dabbing their tears away with wrinkled-up tissues. I looked back at Tim with tears in my own eyes and he just rolled his eyes and said, "Oh come on...it's JUST preschool". I gave him the evil eye and said, "This is a very emotional moment....it's a big deal! Our babies are no longer preschoolers....they're off to elementary school next year....our babies are growing up", as my chin started to quiver. He just continued rolling his eyes everytime another mom would start bawling her eyes out. I think even some of the dads has tears in their eyes. But not my lesser-than-sentimental husband, obviously.

So after they all got to their places, the teacher instructed them to start singing a song that they had been practicing. I had been treated to hearing this song repeatedly at bedtime for the last couple of weeks so I was eager to hear Cole and Bella sing it with their classmates. But....and this is a huge BUT....performing in front of Mommy in the privacy of her own bedroom is one thing....performing with her classmates in front of 50 parents and grandparents while dozens of camera flashes are going off is a whole 'nother thing. Bella's eyes got huge, her face turned bright red and her chin started to quiver (she's so much like me it's astounding) .....


And then....oh, no please don't let her start sobbing...please, God?? But the tears fell anyway.....


If that wasn't bad enough, she reached her arms out to me and while crying, in between heaving breaths, she'd sob, "Moooommmmyyyy, I want yoouuuu". Of course, none of the other kids were crying. Not even Cole, who was completely oblivious to her emotional meltdown. Other parents were starting to turn to look at me, smiling sympathetically....but I just knew they were all thinking, "Thank God that's not MY child".


Then after the singing, she calmed down, while the teacher called each of the children up to get their "diploma". As she called each child up, she announced to the parents what the child had said he/she wanted to be when grown up. Cole was happy to run up to the front to get his diploma. The teacher said, "And Cole would like to be a firefighter when he grows up"...and Tim and I just looked at each other completely dumbfounded. Huh? A firefighter? Where did that come from? Then we heard the teacher quickly follow that up with, "But for right now he's just going to be a train driver". Oh, okay....that sounds more like Cole.


Then it was Bella's turn to be called up. She had been calm while all the other children had been called up. But when she heard her name, the tears started flowing again. She walked up to the teacher and got her diploma but refused to show her face to the applauding audience. Miss Denise said, "Bella would like to be Hannah Montana when she grows up". I tried to get a picture of Bella smiling while holding her diploma....nope, not gonna happen.


After the ceremony, I was hoping to get a picture of both of my little graduates together, smiling beautifully while holding their diplomas. This is what I got....


Now Cole was in tears because his friend Carson got balloons from his grandparents as a graduation gift and he didn't. Who knew a lack of a huge balloon bouquet on preschool graduation day could mean the end of the world to a 4 year old? ME! That's who...I should've known. See, just add this to the list of one of the worst things I have done in the last 4 years.

I said to Bella, "If you wanna be like Hannah Montana when you grow up, what are we gonna do about your stage fright?". She said, "I was just a LITTLE scared, that's all....and I can just put on a wig like Hannah Montana and then people won't know it's me". I processed this in my head for a minute and thought that maybe I don't have to kiss my dream of having her buy me a vacation home in the Caribbean and in Greece when she becomes famous goodbye afterall.

Then I wanted to get a picture of them with their teacher, Miss Denise, who has been fabulous!! Every child should be so blessed to have a preschool teacher like her. She convinced Bella to at least make an effort at a smile. Cole, however, was still reeling from the fact that his parents are completely clueless on graduation gift etiquette.


We wanted a picture of them with their teacher's aide, Mr Pok. By now, Bella was all smiles (probably because the classroom was practically empty now and no one was watching her). Cole had just gotten done saying, "So will you guys get me some balloons too, like Carson?".


So that was preschool graduation, in a nutshell. The preschool days are over for them...my babies are off to kindergarten in the fall. Be still my beating heart. The time has gone by so quickly....too quickly. If I had one wish, it would definitely be to slow the hands of time. Let them be little for just awhile longer.

But God was thoughtful enough to give me another set of twins to experience this with because He must know what a huge sap I am and how hard it is for me to accept change. As we were leaving, one of the teacher's aides from the other class came over to give Cole and Bella a hug, and she said to us, "I'm so sad that I won't be seeing you all again". I smiled and said, "Oh no, have you forgotten.....we've got another set coming through in a couple of years...it's not over yet by a long shot". I'm not sure if she smiled or if she winced a little....but I was smiling for sure.

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