I don’t know if you had the chance to watch Parenthood Tuesday night. If you haven’t you should search the net for the series premier.
I had tears in my eyes as the initial diagnosis of Aspergers comes out. The absolute fear of the unknown. The absolute fear and devastation of parents finding the paved road ending, with the next step going onto a dirt road with unknown terrain and unknown destination; not even yet at the place where they come to terms that something’s “wrong” with their child.
Watching this, I couldn’t help but drift to the beginning of our journey. All the emotions that a parent has when they begin this path, all the emotions that no TV show could ever express completely, they all swelled within me.
I think about the day that Zach and I got Alex’s first diagnosis. Many say that you can’t forget your surroundings, your clothing, the smells that filled the (usually) small doctor’s office as someone describes exactly what you never thought could be. For me, it’s a fog. It’s as if I’m viewing the scene where the corners are blurred and only the words and actions can be seen.
Over and over and over it plays in my mind. Just a short clip. Just a few minutes of a conversation that changed our family forever. This replay comes often, much more than I can count…when doing random things through the house, having a conversation on the phone with a friend, when we’re laughing, when the day is more challenging that the day before; I think of this often.
We have come such a long way from that moment in October, 2003 when we were told our son had cerebral palsy. We’ve gone down into the depths of sorrow, where no person should ever travel, where no parent should be forced to be. We’ve gotten a number of diagnosis since then, the medical coding ‘list’ is quite long. We’re hardly in the light, yet we still know it’s there.
And still, I think of that day.
What about you? Do you have scenes that play over in your mind that have forever changed your life?