Emerson had such a great day today, even with the constant grinding on both sides. I think being certain there is a physical problem that can hopefully be fixed behind its intensity gave me much more patience for the awful sound.
We won't knoww for sure what the issue is with her ears until her ENT visit on the 14th, but her pedi appointment tonight revealed both ears completely packed with thick fluid. I'm not sure if one or both tubes has come out, is not working properly, if she has a ruptured eardrum or if the tubes are still in place and functioning but it's still not enough to handle the fluid, but our pedi couldn't see anything in there because they are so filled. I have to think this is incredibly uncomfortable for her. It's very strange because after she had the wax removed from her ears a couple months ago, she stopped grinding completely. She was grind-free for about 3 weeks, until she had the PE tubes placed. Then about 2 days after the surgery she started grinding again and it has just gotten worse and worse until it got to its current intensity. There is some connection and I really hope the ENT can make it and find the solution. I hate that she has to wait until the 14th with all that gunk in her ears. :( We may have to search out a new non-pediatric ENT (this is the only one in our area) who is more responsive. I plan to call them tomorrow to at least see if we can get a prescription for some drops to help loosen the fluid before the appointment - I hate to wait 9 days just to be told she needs a course of drops before they can assess anything.
I appreciate so much all of the amazingly supportive comments and emails I've received. I didn't really expect anyone to come to my defense but I am humbled that so many have. I have locked the comments on the prior apparently controversial posts and will be moderating comments before publishing going forward. That's not to say that I won't allow critical comments, but I like having the opportunity to rebutt a comment immediately in the comment section, instead of filling up the main blog page with back-and-forth stuff. I will continue to be honest about my ups and downs, though with one of my resolutions being to blog more, hopefully you will see more ups than I show right now.
Following are two videos. The bottom one I took this morning. I didn't mean for it to get so long but just like with Dawson I'm always afraid to stop taping and miss something cute. :) I realized while watching it back that she's now pivoting while sitting - that's new! And she's learned peek-a-boo from her little brother; this is exactly how Dawson plays it. (Onetrumedia isn't working for me right now, so I have to settle for the first 2 minutes with Dropshots - hopefully I can get the rest uploaded soon to share the cuteness!) Oh and apparently my scale was off last week - she was 20 lbs, 1 oz at the doctor's tonight!
The first video though is from our second day with her in Serbia. I never posted it because of the snail-like internet connection in the apartment, and tonight was the first time I've watched it back. I got a little teary, remembering how I wasn't sure what to say, what name to call her, or if she'd even hear me. Remembering how afraid I was that she would never truly smile. Sometimes I still see the little girl in this video and I know she will always be there. But she isn't so good at playing peek-a-boo, and so she's seen less and less these days. ^_^