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Parenting Tip #93,018,833: Perfect Hindsight is 20-20Give or Take a Lifetime

Posted Feb 14 2011 12:40pm
Hindsight PhotoCredit: HeatherrMarie

I have been accused of being an emotional person upon occasion, or twenty (I know, act surprised anyway, okay?) which means that I absolutely suck at Texas Hold 'Em.

[eyes go wide, hands begin to shake, sweat beads form on upper lip]

I'm ALL in, before all the cards are dealt, even.


Which, of course, also means that I cannot fake my way through a situation, even if my insurance rates depended on it.

"Why no, officer [hands being to shake] I didn't realize [sweat beads forming on upper lip] that my taillight was [GAH!!!!] yes, yes, I'm sorry, my left headlight is out, too!"

My husband, Garth (not his real name) on the other hand, well, he has this philosophic calm about him and the way he handles confrontation.

Which, of course, also means that he says totally nonsensical, idiomatic stuff, like, "It is what it is," and, "Can't ask a leopard to change its spots," or, my favorite "Six to one, half a dozen to another," NOT!

Unless, you make me cry.

[eyes go wide, hands begin to shake, sweat beads form on upper lip]

Then, my friend, he is not above reading the riot act, to anyone, not even the Queen herself, as quick as you can say Jack Robinson, in the 3rd person, even.

"All persons, being assembled, shall immediately disperse and peaceably depart to their habitations or to their lawful business on the pain of being guilty of an offense for which, on conviction, they may be sentenced to death by idioms, for life."

[blank stare]

"All-uh-yuhs, just get off her back, will yuhs!?!"

Morale of the Story:  May you have the hindsight to know where you've been, the foresight to know where you are going and the insight to know when you have gone too far.

Short Version:  Don't make my husband have to go all Jersey on your sorry ass!

God Save the King of Idioms, Garth (not his real name) thanks for having my back, yesterday!

Love always,

The Queen of Dorks (herself!)

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