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Parenting does Hurt Marriage

Posted Nov 17 2008 10:14pm

….sometimes….

and it did yesterday night. It was back to the same old issue. This is probably THE only issue that Allan and I just can’t come to an agreement on.

You see, Allan and I hardly argue over anything. Yes, we have our disagreement sometimes, but we are never at each other’s throat….hmmm… but it seems that this just might be the very first.

Punishment started to be introduced some weeks back. First, it was taking away privilleges. Then it was ‘quiet corner’ and yesterday he made Keatkeat stand outside the house! Yes, I know the link on top ‘the same old issue’ is more on Binbin and I did mention that “so far Keatkeat is more or less out of this category of ’slow eaters’, so no issues on my 4year old.” in that post. But these few weeks, Keatkeat was NOT HIMSELF. He eats slower than his already-very-slow-eater-bro.

Sometimes it can take over an hour! The food just stays in the mouth, no biting, no chewing and obviously no swallowing.

This was what happened during yesterday’s lunch. Allan put a stop-watch on their mini-dining table. 20mins. Binbin reacted very fast, in the good way. He sped up and was left with one spoonful of rice just before it beeps. Allan said he recognised the effort that Binbin put in and so he was not punished.

I was unhappy about this. To me, rules are rules. If you said, “when you can’t finish your rice before the beep, you’ll have to get out of the house.” Even if its one spoonful, Binbin still failed the mission, hence he should be punished too! (not that I love to see my kids being punished) But its unfair to Keatkeat!

In 20mins, Keatkeat merely stuffed 4 mouthful of rice. Obviously his plate still seem quite untouched. He cried. He kept saying, “But Binbin didn’t finish his rice too.” Anyhow, my Keatkeat is a very unusually-matured boy, he just opened the door himself and stood outside the house. Allan kept the door opened. The punishment lasted for 15-20mins.

My rule of the thumb is “never interfere at the point of punishment” no matter how unsupportive I am. ‘cos I don’t want my kids to see an angel and a devil. It took great efforts to establish their ‘happy’ father and son relationship - see my post on ‘Anti-Dad’ back in January this year.

But when dinner comes. Boy oh boy! I can’t stand it anymore! Though I know Allan will never let the boy sleep outside the house for the night, although he said that. But I don’t like my neighbours to be involved. You see, my neigbours are out for work in the afternoon (obviously), but they are back in the evening. They are a bunch of nice people, often very caring and sharing. It would be a surprise if they didn’t come over with questions…. I don’t like that.

It was 20mins again. Keatkeat was stuffing till he got choked and on the verge of vomitting…..

I can’t stand the sight, I just yelled, ” For goodness sake! Why introduce such punishment!!!!?”

“Ahhh… what the F***! Whatever I do is never right?! Isn’t it ridiculous? The speed that he is eating?! Ahhh…I’m not gonna care anymore! Do whatever you(referring to my 5year old and me)like! I’m not gonna care!” Allan shouted back and stormed to the PC desk.

Hey hey where did that come from???! When in the world did I say, “Whatever you do is never right?!” Anyway, I got my point across. That’s all I wanted and badly needed.

I didn’t care too, leaving Keatkeat really confused - “so am I going out of the house now?” or “do I still need to finish my rice?.” I’m sorry boy … I wanted to be occupied with something else, so I just got Binbin ready for bed…. and I fell asleep as I patted his bum.

This morning, Allan was out early, didn’t get to see him at all… but I know we’ll be fine, I just know it will be….

(some of you ask if Allan reads my blog. Actually he doesn’t, only when I asked him to read a particular post like the one on our 8th wedding anniversary. So he’ll probably not get to read this either. Whatever it is, that’s fine with me.)

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