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Posted Sep 12 2008 11:32am

This post is inspired by a post by L.A. Daddy when he posted about embarrassing music. Well, I commented about an old album of mine which came out in 1975 and still holds visceral memories for me. I must find out if anyone else remembers this album as intensely as I do. Sure, we'll realize together that we're freaks but aren't there worse things in life than being a bit "off?" Like, we could be seriel killers intead of just lovers of obscure 1970's musics. I guess we could be both, but let's not go there. I'm in therapy so if I have any murderous urges, hopefully my skilled therapist (who's also a relationship "coach" -whatever the hell that means) will nip them in the bud.

On with the cheeze! My favorite album ever, the album I coveted for months until my mother finally relented and bought it for me because I was in the throes of a bad case of chicken pox and could not be comforted.

This album definitely scratched an itch! It's called K-tell MUSIC EXPRESS - 20 original hits 10 original stars (As ADVERTISED ON T.V.) (ALL TOP 10 HITS)

Let's reviste them shall we?

Side One

1 The Captain & Tennille....Love Will Keep Us Together (fair's not Muscrat Love right? And I learned to play this on the guitar at 9 years old.

2 Frankie Valli....Swearin' To God (yes he had other hits but none as cheesy as this 70's classic that a teen girl (me) played over and over.

3 K.C. & The Sunshine Band...Get Down Tonight (destined to be a bad wedding song forever more)

4 The Elton John Band.....Philadelphia Freedom (my least favorite song on the album. I mean, it's totally normal. And what's with "The Elton John Band?" He must've been going through an experimental phase. Suffice it to say I skipped over this song. Probably scratching it in the process.

5 Harry Chapin....Cat's In The Cradle (Of course I cried because I had a monstrous stepfather whom I fantasized would someday be sorry. He never was)

6 Barry Manilow.....Mandy (Crazy but I never got this song. Sweet yes. Affecting to a 9 year old? Not so much. I preferred songs about tragedy - and they're coming up)

7 10cc.....I'm Not In Love (I used to sing this song over and over until years later I learned what the band's name meant. 10cc's of sperm. Gross. Not for the mind of a youngster to contemplate.

8 Phoebe Snow....Poetry Man (I don't know. I remember the song well and could sing a long but I don't believe I particularly related or liked it much)

9 Sammy Johns.....Chevy Van (Okay, here we go. This was a favorite. Since I lost track of this record and since rebought it on Ebay, I could still sing all the words. Remember the good old days when a hippie could pick up a hot chick by the side of the road and not be tempted to rape and dismember her? Good times.

10 David Geddes....Run Joey Run (For those of you who don't remember this song, A woman is marrying her boyfriend but her dad puts an end to that by coming over to shoot him. But as luck and bad aim would have it, he accidentally shoots her instead. There's blood, crying, sad 70's ish sounds like AAAAH Ah,,AAAAh Ah - I probably played this song no less than 80 thousand times. Or until I discovered Olivia Newton John's Have You Never Been Mellow.

Side Two

1 Austin Roberts.....Rocky (Better get our the tissues. They really hit the ground running with this song in terms of tragedy. First the chick and her dude fall in love to which she sings "Rocky I've never been in love before, don't know if I can do it, but if you let me lean on you take my hand I might get trough it...then she gets married to the same chorus, then she has a baby, then, naturally she gets cancer and sings, Rocky I've never had to die before, don't know if I can do it, but if you let me lean on you take my hand I might get through it...are you crying yet? If not, you have issues.

2 The Ozark Mountain Daredevils....Jackie Blue (This song was remade at some point but came no where near the original.

3 Mike Post....The Rockford Files (I'm pretty sure this was just an instrumental. And what 9 year old appreciates an instrumental. Not many. Maybe when we got older we like that one from Beverly Hills Cop Axel-T - but not at 9! come on people! Put some lyrics in there.

4 Jigsaw...Sky High (another classic - I played this one over and over "you've blown it all sky high, by telling me a lie, without a reason why....memories....)

5 The Ritchie Family....Brazil (seriously, I can't remember this one. And I'm too lazy to hook up the turn table. So if anyone remembers how it goes, remind me.

6 Disco Tex & The Sex-O-Lettes - Get Dancin' (let me just say for the record that I lost my virginity at 20. So anything with Sex in it was sort of meaningless for me at this age. But hey, it had a good beat.

7 The Doobie Brothers....Long Train Runnin' (Truthiness time - I loved me some Doobies. Of course, I didn't get the pot reference at all. I was 9!! But when Michael McDonald joined up I was done for. I've always been a Michael McDonald fan. Yes, I'm a geek.

8 Frankie Valli...My Eyes Adored You (I guess one Frankie song wasn't enough. Do you think it was a mafia thing? Like the "family" said "how bouts another Frankie song? What could it hurt?" and the the Music Express genius dared to say "but we already have one Frankie song and it's just all right" to which mafia guys just looked at him and gave him a sneak peek at the top of his gun.
On the flip side, I knew all the words to this one. Still do.

9 Tony Camillo's Bazuka....Dynomite (no recollection of this song or the band's title so...moving on.)

10 John Wakeling & The Kinshasa Band...Black Superman --"Muhammad Ali" (Muhammad, the black superman, floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee....memorable, racist, all the great things the 70's had to offer.

Remember any of these? Or am I just old?

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