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Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree

Posted Apr 11 2009 12:47am
If I haven't told you before my husband is a bonafide Redneck.

Bob's idea of "Going Green" is the color he turns just before vomiting for the 400th time because he once again insisted on his favorite Sushi Bar that makes him ill 3 out of 4 visits yet his eater's amnesia strikes and he continues returning to this establishment against his better judgement (without his wife) and "Going Green".

Without Bob realizing it he has made our Christmas "Green". Bob came home from work on Friday knowing the kids and I would be ready to get a tree.

"Can we get a tree tonight?" We all hounded him.

He ignored our pleas. He simply said, "We will. What's for dinner?"

Later I overheard a phone call that sounded as if he had a hair-brained idea to get a real live tree and put it in our living room.

"Honey?"

"What!"

"Did you say that you wanted a real tree? Like one with roots?"

"Yes. I am sick of paying the money every year for a tree and at the end of it I have nothing left but twigs to burn."

"Well, remember last year we got one from Home Depot for $39.99? I figured we'd do that again."

"No. No. We'll do that if we have to but I really want a live tree."

Flash to Saturday afternoon.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

....
5 minutes later
....

"Where are we going? I'm feeling car sick? Are we there yet?"

"Quit whining."

....
5 minutes later
....

"Are we there yet? Are you really making us get a tree with roots and everything? Man...I feel ill. Open a window would you?"

"Just trust me. If we don't like one or they don't have any we'll get a regular tree. Relax."

"Oh, Dad, I see one. Pull over let's take that one," Kyan says pointing to a tree on the side of the road.

....

We arrived at the Nursery 100 minutes later after the above conversation was repeated approximately 20 times.

To my surprise we are not the only crazy people in search of a real tree. They had lots of them to choose from - some were still in the ground.

So, 1 hour, 1 picture with Santa, 5 different decisions, 2 cups of hot cocoa, 1 tree shaped angel, 1 real live 6 foot tree, 1 tree bird and $120 later we left thinking the hard part was behind us.

Except it wasn't.

When we got home we had to remove the tree from the bed of the truck, a feat that had taken three people to load but when we got home there was just us and by us I mean Bob because my help is not so much called help as it is called GETTING IN THE WAY!

Between the two of us we managed to get the tree out of the truck but while doing so we aimed the roots for the pot the nursery gave us after they loaded it...probably because they knew it wouldn't fit but wanted us to figure it out on our own, you know, to spice up our real live tree adventure. When the tree landed in the pot it simultaneously crushed it...like a pancake.

But, Bob thought I had just guided poorly and was eagerly trying to wiggle the tree into the pot except he couldn't really see that is was crushed.

At Home Depot we decided on a wine barrel because of it's rustic non plastic qualities. We were certain it was going to be awesome even though it did set us back a few bucks but at this point the money didn't matter, it was the principle. Thank goodness money wasn't the point because at this point between potting soil and a pot we collectively spent more at Home Depot than a cut tree (not that I was counting or anything like that).

When we got home we were on a mission, a mission that had Bob asking, "Who's freaking idea was this again?"

After piles of dirt were left in the driveway, on the patio, in my living room we finally had a tree.

After a few hours to let the agony that we had just gone through dissipate we were certain we had the best tree in the whole wide world.

I present, The Green Tree, one that promises to make our yard beautiful!


And as an added bonus, I present my FAVORITE ornament because you know as well as I do that nothing says Happy Birthday Jesus quite like the Star of David!


*If you would like to do this at your home, email me, I have a few pointers that will save you some time and energy cleaning and a few trips to the store.
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