I'm never one to ignore the blessings I have in my life. And I believe it's important to give thanks for those blessings as often as I can.
First, I'd like to thank my kids for the following...
1) Promising me, with angelic smiles, that they will most definitely be sure to leave some jellybeans for me. Turns out it was all the black and white ones....that they know I hate with a passion.
2) Breaking one of their plastic eggs and leaving it on the floor....for me to step on with my bare feet at 6:00 in the freakin' morning.
3) Whining about the flavor lollipop that was left for them by the "Easter Bunny" after the "Easter Bunny" stayed up way past her bedtime, digging holes in the dirt in the backyard in the pitch black of night to ensure that their magic jellybeans sprouted into beautiful, colorful lollipops.
4) Peeing all over the wall behind the toilet...and blaming it on the cats.
5) Always being sure to give Daddy plenty of unsolicited hugs, kisses and I love you's but seemingly forgetting about me until I remind them that I was the one who carried them in my body for months on end and got gutted like a dying fish to bring them into this world. Seriously....WTF?!
Next, I'd like to thank my loving husband, Tim, for the following....
1) Inviting his parents over for Easter dinner...and conveniently forgetting to mention it to me until the day before the holiday.
2) Paying me back-handed compliments that always seem to insinuate that he's not getting laid enough.
Like, "I love when you wear your hair like that. It has that hot just-fucked look, even though we haven't had sex in....um, well...37 days. Not that I'm counting or anything".
3) Trying his best to help around the house but only managing to do things half-way.
Like, sweeping the floor but leaving a million mini dirt piles around the house, washing the dishes by rinsing them off and leaving for me to load into the dishwasher, and unloading the dishwasher by leaving the clean dishes on the counter.
And, now, just some random thank you's....
To the mom who spent months avoiding me after I graciously hosted a play date with her and her kids at my home...who now wants to be my friend on Facebook. Ignore? Definitely.
To the neighbor who smiled graciously at my children when she allowed them to climb up her lemon tree to pick some fresh lemons...and then invited them to come over and enjoy a lemon meringue pie next time she makes one. Little does she know they won't soon forget that invitation...like, EVER.
To my other neighbors who wave politely at me instead of giving me the finger every single time one of my kids tramples over their freshly mowed lawns with their bikes.
To my cats who poop 28 times a day to ensure that I never run out of crap to clean up after, especially now that all my kids are potty trained.
To Jillian Michaels for being an obnoxious, bossy bitch who kicks my ass 6 times a week while doing her Body Revolution program. And to her perfectly chiseled fitness minions...doing bicep curls with a 5-pound weight? Really?
And, lastly, thank you to the developers of silly, pointless apps, like Oldify and Baldify, which keep my kids entertained for hours....so I can pee in peace and quiet.