I know when you're married, you're supposed to share things with your spouse. I like to think I'm a thoughtful and generous person...I have no problems sharing my things with Tim.
But I draw the line at some things, like.....sharing toothbrushes. Oh, yes he did.
We have those electric Sonic toothbrushes and he accidentally left his at a hotel awhile back when he was on a business trip. I got a new toothbrush for him to use until we could replace his Sonic. It was just a plain, old-fashioned toothbrush - nothing fancy but it gets the job done.
Yesterday, I noticed my toothbrush wasn't in its charger. I knew I had used it that morning and I knew I put it back in its proper place. I looked all over for it....I found it in Tim's charger. WTF?
I barged into his office and asked, "Did you use my toothbrush?"
He immediately replied, "What?"....you know, the way a man always does when he's thinking "oh, crap...I've been busted....quick, come up with a good excuse". But men can't think that fast because there brains and their penises work in tandem and blood can't rush down and then back up again as quickly as they'd like.
I shoved my toothbrush in his face and repeated, "Did you use my toothbrush?" He finally answered, "Yeah".
I asked, "Have you been using it all this time since yours was lost?" He nodded his head and said "Yeah", as if this wasn't a big deal.
Apparently, this was the day he had forgotten to put MY Sonic back in MY charger. Huge slip-up, wasn't it?
I let loose on him...."That is the most disgusting thing you could ever do....toothbrushes are not something ever to be shared!! I got you a toothbrush until we could replace your Sonic. Why couldn't you just use that?"
He said, "What's the big deal? I prefer an electric toothbrush and we still haven't replaced mine".
I could NOT believe that he didn't find this as disturbing as I did. HIS bacteria all over MY toothbrush....all this time....eeeewwww.
Then he said, "We share bacteria when we kiss. Is that really any different?"
I rolled my eyes and responded, "No, I guess not".
He asked, "So can I just keep using your toothbrush until I get another one?"
I said, "Uh, no....I still don't want you using mine". He asked, "And what about kissing?"
I said, "Well, I haven't figured out THAT one just yet. But, in the meantime, just stay the hell away from my toothbrush!! "
He couldn't just stop there, of course. Why? Because he's a man.
The smart-ass said, "So are you saying that your mouth is off limits....you know, for EVERYTHING?"
I stared him down and said, "YOU are SUCH a PIG!" and then I went into our bathroom and hid my toothbrush.