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My 7 year old step-daughter shows absolutely no remorse for any of her bad behavior.Can anyone help?


Posted by Michelle H. Facebook

 She picks on her classmates all the time. She hits them, takes things from them, trips them, and bosses them around. She is constantly causing problems in her classroom and on her bus. She was sent to the office 6 times in her pre-k year for fighting and for slapping a lunchbox out of a teacher's hands because she was angry and twice in her 1st grade year so far for hitting other kids.

We have tried putting her in the other's shoes and she just does not seem to care. When we ask her why she does these things she will tell us, "Because I was mad." We've spanked her, taken things away from her, made her sit in time out, told her that her actions disappoint us, and everything else. NOTHING WORKS!!

When you are disciplining her she rolls her eyes and will give you this look like she hates you and that she would kill you if she thought she could. I know she is just tuning us out and is just sitting it out until she can go back to what she wanted to do.

Her grandmother is completly convinced that she is learning this behavior from somebody else because there is no way her grandchild would be so mean on purpose. I think that is total BS but I am just the step-mom and I can't really do a whole lot. Her dad doesn't help either. He just yells at me every time I suggest that there is something wrong with her psychologically. He has convinced himself that it's just the age. I have a 17 yr. old daughter and I NEVER had this problem with her.

 I want to have her tested but I dont know how. I am worried that my step-daughter is going to hurt someone one day.

She's been this way since she was about 2 yrs. old and has never really had any true consequences from her actions because her grandmother is so insistant that we dont do anything to hurt her feelings or make her resent us.

In all the years that I have been in this child's life I have never seen her really be sorry for anything she has ever done and she acts as if we are supposed to bow down to her like she is a queen.

 
Answers (2)
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Oh girl, I am a step mom too. This is the HARDEST position for anyone to be in. Unfortunately, you are in a no win situation. I don't know what to tell you. There is no support from your husband or the mother in law...I'm surprised that grounding her,taking things away and discipline PERIOD doesn't work. She is very young to be doing these things.

I personally think the grandmother needs to BUTT OUT of your life. This is ridiculous; the "grandmother is so insistant that you don't do anything"?  She is not the one raising the child or having to deal with this on a daily basis. 

You and your husband are supposed to be a UNITED FRONT...but if your step daughter sees that you are divided; well she thrives on that! 

Just so you know; my husband & I went through our own problems with my step kids (we have our own kids too) and we are now going on 15 years of marriage and it DOES GET BETTER! I know it doesn't seem like it; but it does.

I will pray for you - you are going to need LOTS of it!

I'm on facebook if you want to chat more. http://www.facebook.com/priscillaashleigh

 

maybe something will resonate with you in this blog post or the many comments below it:

http://www.advice-for-parents.com/2008/04/what-if-my-child-shows-no-remorse.html

I hope you are getting lots of nurturing and support for yourself as you deal with this - it's a really tough situation.  It's crucial for our own mental health that we find a good listener to vent our frustrations to-- one who will not judge or try to fix us, but just listen lovingly while we let off steam. After unloading lots of emotions we not only feel better, but sometimes new ideas occur to us ... 

bless your heart,

karen

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