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Kids say the funniest things

Posted Jul 12 2008 12:00am

Back in the day (2203-2005) I kept an online journal about all the funny things I overheard or heard throughout my day as a teacher. I copied and pasted some of them below:

Overheard by a soon to be third grader in my summer school class:
"I'll forget it by morning because I have a bad rememory."
~Amanda, 7

Today in class we were working on state abbreviations and filling in a map.When I got to California, I heard Tommy singing "Sweet Home, California..."I gently reminded him that it is "Sweet Home, Alabama."

I had my third graders fill in the last word of some common phrases.
Hop, skip, and ____Answers: gallop, run, jump
The butcher, the baker, _______Answers: the muffin man, the bread, the candlestick maker
Hook, line, and ________Answers: mine, bait, boat, pole, (no one got the real answer: sinker)
Wynken, Blynken, and ____Answers: Spankin, Sinkin, Breathin, (even I did not know this one: Nod)

This is not to offend anyone (since I was a young fan myself), just to show the type of town I teach in...
Teacher: Ok class, we need to brainstorm some Valentine's words to write in our Bingo card
Child #1: heart
Teacher: Excellent (Writes word on board)
*This repeats for about 5 minutes with appropriate V-day words*
Teacher: Does anyone else have a word for Valentine's Day?
Child #2: NASCAR
Teacher: NASCAR? How is NASCAR related to Valentine's Day?
Without a drop of a hat, nearly have the class responded with: The Daytona 500 is this weekend.
Well Geez. Sorry I didn't know that one. =)

This is one I heard in the teacher's lounge from a first grade teacher.
Teacher (after giving mother as a spelling word, and hinting at the next word, child): And what does every mother need in order to be a mother?
Child: A vacuum.

We were going around the circle yesterday at Class Meeting, and several of the students wanted to tell the class what they got for Christmas.One little boy mentioned that he got cologne.One of the boys near me asked a friend:"What is cologne?"His reply:"Its that stuff you put under your armpits."

Overheard today while my kids were working in pairs on a problem solving worksheet..."Well, math doesn't lie"

We have a small mobile school store. The students are able to go there before school to buy fun school supplies. One of my third graders bought a clear plastic ruler the other day. I saw him wrapping it in construction paper and asked him what it was."Its a Christmas present for my mom. Moms LOVE rulers."I nodded and agreed "Yes, moms sure do love rulers."


Sometimes what children say is not funny, but heart-wrenching.
Student: Sorry I wasn't here yesterday, my dad died last night.
He said it so nonchalantly. My heart was crying for this little boy that I only see for 25 minutes a day to teach him meaningless spelling words.

At the end of the school year picnic, I was chatting with one of the moms. She told me of a conversation she had with her 2nd grade daughter.
Mikaila: Mom, how come you don't want any more children?
Mom (already mother of 5): Honey, its not that I don't want to have children, but im getting older. Women are born with a certain amount of eggs to have babies and mine are getting old.
(After 10 minutes of quiet driving time)
Mikaila: Mom, do you know why I am crabby sometimes?
Mom: No honey, why?
Mikaila: Because I was born from an old egg.
So cute, Mikaila has an older sister that is 21, there is a range of ages from 21-5 in her family, so Mom's eggs were probably a little old when Mikaila was born =).

I was talking with one of my second graders about the upcoming birth of her baby sister...
"If we don't get her bed built in time, she will have to sleep in her baskinette."

"My brother puts Jell-o in his hair to make it stick up."
I am pretty sure this little kindergartner means gel (unless his brother is a lil wacky)

I am subbing for a kindergarten class all this week and next.
I had just let the children have some free play time and then gathered them on the carpet.
One little guy was holding his neck. When I asked him what was wrong he said.
"I am so hot my neck is blinking."
Apparently all the running around during recess made his pulse race.
Cute.

I was reading a book to Ben, an autistic child I have been working with for the past week. After I finished reading the page and was about to turn to the next one, he tells me:
"You forgot to read the crooked words."
Confused, I asked him to point to what he was referring to.
He then pointed to the captions from the pictures that were written in italics.

I was working in a 2nd grade classroom today at a literacy/making words center.
The children were given the letters:
WSILDEKA
and had to arrange them to make various lettered words. After exhausting the 1 & 2 letter words, I began prompting them for some three letter ones.
"How would you feel if your dog died?"
S-A-D
"Right!"
"What can you find on top of a jar?"
L-I-D
"Right!"
"When two people get married what do they do?"
Divorce?!?
"Not quite sweetie, I was thinking of W-E-D."

This week we are talking about Presidents. (Since we were on break last week.)
I initiated a conversatoin about the topic and one of my bright kids started to eagerly wave his hand in the air.
Austin: "They have President's Choice in Canada."
Me: (Confused) "Explain what you mean."
Austin: "When I visit Canada everything there is President's Choice."
Me: "Oh?"
Austin: "Yeah, on the pop cans, on my cereal, on everything."
Me: (laughing in my head) "Oh right, they have the brand name President's Choice in Canada. Good job reading and observing!"

One of my little first graders has told me more than a few times that she wishes I was her mom. Yesterday, this was our conversation:
Theresa: "Do you have any babies?"
Me: "No."
Theresa: "Will you ever have babies?"
Me: "I don't think so, babies are expensive."
Theresa: (with a puzzled look on her face) "You have to BUY babies?"
I explained my point, and then she said:
"Well, I still wish you were my mom."
So cute.

I am a "cart" teacher. I teach writing once a week to each 3rd and 4th grade class for about an hour.
Yesterday, I was in a third grade classroom waiting to start my lesson. A little "squirrel" of a boy came up to me, nervous that I would be mad because he had been in the bathroom so long and said:
"I have cramps."
I could tell he was not in pain, but had to think of an excuse on the whim to please me. Heh.

I was subbing (as a favor) for 9th grade English and French yesterday. Not only was it Halloween, but it was a half day, AND an assembly. The kids were wired.
Let me explain as well that I look like I am about 12.
Anyhoo, during 6th period French class, I let the kids just chill and talk (the class was only 5 minutes long due to the assembly.) I looked over to the corner of the room and I see a small circle of teenagers trying to tear apart a kids shoe. I questioned what they were doing and the owner of the shoe confirmed that everything was alright, he wanted the sole off his shoe. Okay. The "leader" of the group then interuppted with:
"Some kids do drugs, some kids drink alcohol, the kids in *insert name of small town I teach in* tear apart shoes."
He made me smile.
Shoes are better choices than drugs I guess.

I was testing a second grader today. In Michigan, every student in a public school has to have a Michigan Literacy Profile. In the profile, we put reading tests that determine the students' reading level. I was testing Sammy today on the book entitled, Kwan the Artist. Its about a young immigrant boy that has only been in the country for a few days. One of the comprehension questions ask "Why couldn't Kwan understand his teacher?"
The response from Sammy: "Because in the United States we speak English and in China they speak China Words."

Part of my homework assignment for the mentoring program I volunteer for was to ask 3 children "What do you think adults should know about kids?"
The result from the Kindergarten class I asked was just as expected:
"Adults should know how to feed us and take care of us."
"Adults should know how to keep us safe."
"Adults should know how to read books at night."
"Adults should know how to watch us and take care of us."
I then asked one of my 4th grade groups:
"Adults should know that we are not as strong as we look."
"Adults should know that we don't always like to eat the same things."
and the two responses that made my heart cry:
"Adults should know that we exist, because sometimes I don't even think my parents realize I do." and
"Adults should know that our feelings are hurt easily."


"I dropped my head on the ground"
"Where is my other arm"
"I can't find my hand"
~things you hear while doing a 'people' art project with kindergartners

"You're wearing hairy tights today."
~Kindergartner to his teacher (who thought she could get away with wearing opaque tights without shaving)

Teacher: How old are you?
Student: 6. I will be 8 in three weeks.
Teacher: oh.

I was subbing yesterday on the fourth day of school so a teacher could witness the birth of her first grandbaby. When I told the class why Mrs. Meade was gone, they chorally said:
"Mrs. Meade is too young to be a grandma."
My reply was:
"I bet Mrs. Meade would love to hear that."
They answered:
"She was the one that told us that."
Kids are so honest. =)


Today was the first day of school. A fisrt grade teacher had taken her kids out to recess, but lost one on the playground. She yelled to her grade level paraprofessional:
"I lost a child on the playground"
To which one of her new first graders said to another teacher in the hall:
"Losing a student is not a good idea."


"My dad is grounded from the car from his doctor."
~Courtani, 2nd/3rd grade


This is B posting for J today. I happened to meet a very interesting little boy at work today, and I thought I'd share the story with you all.
I was ringing on the registers up front, and a mother with 2 boys walked up. The older son was around 7 or 8, and his younger brother (I think about 4 or 5) was harassing him pretty bad. At one point, the younger brother said angrily, "I'll hurt your heart!"
What was the older boy's response?
"You can't hurt my heart if Jesus is in it."
1....2....3....AWWWWWWWWWWW!


Since the school year is coming to a close, I see less and less children everyday. This is from a mom I know. Her 2.5 year old daughter had put all her little Hamtaro figures in a bus.
Mom: "Where are all the Hamtaros going?"
Lexie: "To get beer."

"My brain is kinda steamed up. I've been thinking hard."
~Trevyn, kindergartner


"I heard some people talking mexican up at Polly's (grocery store) once"
~Trevyn, kindergartner


I have been testing children for the past couple of weeks, so I apologize for the lack of updates.
Since today is Friday, I often play games with my reading groups. My first group consisted of 2 first grade boys. We played phonogram bingo.
Me: (saying the sounds of the phonogram) OOH, UH, O
George: Dude, its OO (The name of the phonogram)
Can I please tell you how cute it is to hear a first grader say "Dude"


I walked into the kindergarten classroom during free play time today.
I was standing near the "dress-up' station.
Me: "Wow, that is a beautiful dress you have on."
Little Girl: "Well, this is just a dress-up dress, we have real shirts and pants on underneath."
Me: "Oh, I see."
They are so cute.


Its testing week again. The children read a story to themselves and then read it to me and answer comprehension questions.
What the text really said:
"Come on, Tim." shouted Michael.
What first grader Kelly said:
"Come on, Tim." slut Michael.


Kids are so utterly honest its remarkable.
I used mousse in my hair today..something I havent done in ages.
I got a lot of "Why is your hair wet?" evne from third graders. Explaining mousse to a first grader is hard enough.
Me: "This foam stuff, kind of like shaving cream takes a picture of what me hair looks like when it is wet. My hair is really dry, but the mousse makes it look wet."
Of course they do not believe me until I let them touch it.
My favorite so far today has been from April, a first grader. Her teacher was walking their class back to their classroom and she yells out to me down the hall:
"What happened to your hair?"


I've been testing an amazing kindergartner. I think I have figured her reading level to be the equivalent of a fourth grader at the end of the school year. I asked the principal if she would listen to this young prodigy.
Mrs. Williams: "Would you like to read on the bean bags, at the table, or on my lap."
Meaghan: "I am most comfortable on Daddy's lap, so..."
Mrs. Williams: "The lap it is."
(After getting all situated on the principals lap)
Meaghan: "He.He. I just motorboated."
(Both the principal and I are confused)
Meaghan: "My daddy calls me a motorboat when I pass gas."
(Now the principal and myself are trying real hard not to laugh at the fact that this little five year old just farted in her lap)

"I saw this really cool hippo at the Milwaukee Zoo in Illinois."
~Meaghan, kindergarten


Student: "We had a pizza party in my classroom today."
Teacher: "Cool, I can still smell the pizza."
Student: "I ate TWO pieces of pizza."
Teacher: "Wow! Did you get to drink soda too?"
Student: "Not soda, Sprite."
~Bradley, second grade


three times in one day..geez the kids are on fire today..
Student 1: What happens when you drink too much pop?
Student 2: You get fat like my dad.
~Devin and Elizabeth, first grade


We were making a list of family names so we could make an album. I was writing as the children were dictating.
Teacher: "Who do you live with?"
Student: "Mom, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt Betty, Uncle Carl, Uncle Forrest, Uncle Gump..."
(This child has a lot of family and they do all live together in two little houses)
~Taylor, first grade


Student:"Is Mrs. Roy-Borland going to have a baby bath?"
Teacher:"A what?"
Student: "You know, one of those parties for the baby?"
Teacher:"Oh, a shower? Yes. She will have a baby shower."
~Daeja, kindergarten


Assignment: List off 8 different types of flowers.
Student: "Roses, Tulips, Daisies, scaffodils..."
~Rebecca, first grade


Student 1(bragging): "I can count to a trillion"
Student 2(bragging?): "I can count to *pause* 5."
Overheard outside my classroom door. I think these were pre-school girls.


Sometimes kids make me sad. I found a first grader in the hall crying.
Me: "Whats wrong Chris?"
Chris: "I miss my dad."
Me: "I know sweetie, some days its just hard (hugging him)"
Chris: "I am just a foster kid."
Me: (still hugging) "Your foster family loves you very much."
Chris: "But I still miss my real dad,"
Oh they break my heart sometimes. This child's background is horrendous. I feel so bad for him, and to have a witch for a teacher is not nice. Too bad I only get to see him 2 times a week. =(


"Are you going to borrow me today?"
~George, 1st grade
(The nature of my teaching position allows me to work with children in small groups. I pull them out of their classrooms to do this.)


As Title-One educators, we pull small groups of children for 30 minutes at a time during various parts of the day.
One little girl came up to my paraprofessional I share a room with and said:
Leah: Mrs. Holtz, could you get me around 3 today, I have nothing going on.
Her classroom teacher just smiled and told Mrs. Holtz she better get a palm pilot.
Leah, 1st grade.


Dylan: I had a dream last nite that Britney Spears was my girlfriend.
Me: Well shes a little old for you.
Dylan: I know, but her little sister isnt. What did you dream about last nite Ms. Mc?
Me: I dont really remember.
Dylan: Did you dream that Nick Carter was your boyfriend?
Me: Nope.
~Dylan, 2nd grade


Elizabeth: "Can we just write our missions on the back instead of our whole name?"
Ms. Mc: "Do you mean initials Elizabeth?"
Elizabeth: "Yeah, that's what I meant."
Elizabeth, grade one.

It was Spring Picture day at school on Friday. You know the time of the year when they bring in the outdoor background and make the children hug fake trees? A lot of the children were dressed up.
Elizabeth: "Miss Mc, isn't my dress bee-you-ti-ful." (said just like that)
MMc: "Yes Elizabeth it is bee-you-ti-ful."
Elizabeth: "You just spit on me."
MMc: "Oh, I'm sorry honey. Here, let me wipe it off."
This is the same first grader that told me:
"You are not mean at all, but you are beautiful."


Alexis, grade 1, was talking about her new baby sister that was born yesterday morning (although I need to check with her teacher about this because she said she had a new brother 2 months ago)
"The baby has a scar on her stomach where the electrical cord was."


I was at a Fountas and Pinnell conference today. One of the children on their video tape was making observations about -ing words.
Student One: "There are two T's in sitting."
Teacher: "Yes you are right. There is the word sit plus an extra T and the -ing ending. Do you notice any other words that are like that from our book?"
Student One: "Yes Running is like that too."
Student Two: "Runting?"
The kid was completely serious. =)


We were playing Boggle and listing off the words we had found.
Student: Hor.
Teacher: That is not how you spell whore.
Student: Not the bad word whore. Hor like i watched a Hor movie last nite with a monster.
~Tommy, 3rd grade.
I just wonder how he knew the word whore...


teacher: "where are you going for spring break?"
student: "Narobi, I mean Florida."
~Kellie, 1st grade.


"Russians don't read."
~Alesya, first grade, Russian


(Talking about St. Patrick)
"I think he died in a war and someone ran over him with a tractor."
~Bubby, kindergarten

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