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Jenny’s Life Klass: What not to let your daughter wear as a Halloween costume

Posted Oct 15 2012 7:25am

Welcome to a very special Halloween edition of Jenny’s Life Klass! Are you excited or WHAT!? I know I am. Emily and I have a very special Halloween tradition in that our families go trick-or-treating together in her neighborhood (because I? Live in the Ghetto and we’re a little afraid the trick is going to be a live firework or a doobie in the kids trick-or-treat bags. But anyhoo.)

We’ve been perpetrating this trick-or-treat tradition ever since Joshua and Kate were infants, so that means I’ve been out at Beggar’s Night as an adult for about nine years now. And here’s something it only took me one time out to learn: many of you are letting your little daughters trick-or-treat dressed as whores.

That’s right, America! You’ve let your 9-year-olds roam the streets  as witches or car hops or nurses, or even princesses! Nothing wrong with that, right?  Well, not in theory. But in reality…you manage to find ways, or let your daughters find ways to make these costumes reallllly slutty. So just in time for All Hallow’s Eve, let me lay down a few ground rules for your little girl’s costume. You are welcome in ADVANCE!

Rule 1: Ix-nay on the orset-cay.  PEOPLE! No one under the age of 18 should be allowed to wear a corset! Vote, buy cigarettes, wear a corset. Makes sense to me! Why does it not make sense to the parents of the bazillions of underage corset-wearing girls I see at trick or treat each year? WHY!?

Little Red Riding Whored

That costume is marketed as a “tween” costume. Which I guess is supposed to make it ok?

2. Hemlines shall be closer to the knee than to the butt cheeks. I’m not saying skirts need to be down to their ankles but THIS??

Monster High. HEMLINE.

IS NOT OK!! And this costume comes as small as a little girl’s 3/4!!

3. Just say no to fishnets. I think I’m going to impose the age 18 rule to fishnets as well. Because fishnets are for women, NOT FOR GIRLS!  And this?

Yo-ho-HO is right.

Comes in children’s sizes.
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be slutty pirates.
What else can I say? I’ve seen some pretty crazy whorish stuff out at trick-or-treat!

To be at the head of Jenny’s Life Klass, please don’t let your baby girl go dressed as a thinly disguised hooker! Dress her in an age-appropriate costume for Halloween and you will get an A+++!!

What are some of your “favorite” Halloween costumes you’ve seen for little girls?

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