I reflect back to the time after I had my first, Elaina. How I was so eager to be pregnant again, to give her a sibling, to grow our little family. It was almost obsessive. I *had* to get pregnant again. I had to experience pregnancy and birth again. It wasn't just about that, of course, but I had this drive to have another little one join our family as soon as possible because I wanted them to be close in age.
After we had three little ones pitter-pattering in our home that obsessive drive to grow our family began to wane slowly with each additional child. I began to feel peaceful. I began to feel like things would be just alright if three was all we had.
And then our fourth came, our first boy. It was like things had just clicked together so perfectly and we were content and happy. People asked me all the time if Judah was our last. I just shrugged and said, "Don't know! Whatever happens, happens." I didn't have a plan, didn't have a compulsion to conceive as I did years back after we had Elaina.
Fast forward to the first week of October 2012 when I randomly took a pregnancy test and found out BABY NUMBER FIVE (FIVE!!!) was going to be joining us in this new year. Completely and totally unplanned and a shocker. Honestly I didn't even think I was ovulating because my PCOS symptoms were flaring up. But I randomly test because I don't tend to produce enough Progesterone in early pregnancy without supplements which will cause me to miscarry.
My first Progesterone level this pregnancy was 7.9 (needs to be above 15, they like it closer to 20). The nurse, over the phone, wasn't encouraging but they got me the RX for Progesterone right away. I am blessed to have a midwife and team who support me and took me seriously! Some women are not so lucky and have to fight for that RX!!! I'm 17 weeks on Friday (tomorrow). I've heard the heartbeat, I've seen my little bean. My baby is a miracle and I'm glad I took that random test when I did. With Progesterone that low I know what would have happened without my supplements. My Prog. levels dropped while pregnant with Judah. Thankfully I only have to take them until week 10-12 (I stopped at week 11 this pregnancy, I believe - they made me feel drunk!).
Is this little guy or girl the last one? I don't know for certain because I don't tell the future. But I do know that I am one exhausted momma who is content, happy and at peace with being a family of seven (twelve if you include the mutts and kitties). I'm told by other women that you will KNOW when you are done. I think I'm getting there. And you know what? That's totally fine. If God does grace us with another down the road, that'll be totally awesome and fine, too.