How many times does a mother feel a failure? Am I the only one?
I think I’m a good mother, but I have more moments than I ever wish to admit where a meltdown of all that is holding me together occurs. I don’t know why. From playing a more-or-less single mom for 1 ½ months with the same time to go? The pressure? The insurmountable number of aIl I have to do in order to balance family and self? Or just what’s on the family list? Or am I selfish for wanting, for needing a “self” list?
Mommy Meltdowns, I know are not uncommon. For most of us, hopefully all, there’s nothing inherently ‘bad’ about them other than that they happen. Other than that they shine a light on our inability to be perfect for all little ones, for all times.
After my meltdowns occur, meltdowns of internal patience, understanding and wisdom of how to raise a little me, I find myself guilted. Not guilted maybe, but full of guilt. I bang my head against the unforeseen wall of motherhood wishing I could be perfect.
I. Want. To. Be. Perfect.
But alas, I am not a perfect human, how could I possibly be a perfect mother. Are you?