I used to live and breathe medicine. For years I would wake up and go to sleep with a patient and their diagnosis permeating my brain. I would hyperventilate to think I’d miss a diagnosis. I’d run it over and over in my mind. And still think I got it wrong.
Before and exam, I’d stay awake for hours to cram in every last bit of knowledge. I’d study up to the last second before the test. When in residency, I’d come in early and stay late. Nothing was too much. I was dedicated. I was a physician and I’d taken an oath. There was no other way. I laughed when asked if I would work part time after I had my first.
Then I had my first child and then the second and then the third. I had three kids in 4 years and it rocked my world.
I now lived and breathed them and couldn’t keep the medicine in my brain. Sleep deprivation had never felt so bad. I fell asleep once while nursing my oldest. She slid off my lap, down my legs and almost hit the floor until I finally woke up and caught her.
I pumped in the call room and later after graduation I pumped while driving into clinic.
Clinic medicine was worse than residency- My kids were dropped off at 5:30 am and picked up at 6:30 pm. They ate breakfast, lunch and dinner at the daycare.
I cried when I tried to call in sick at the office and was told that the 32 patients waiting to see me wouldn’t be too happy.
I felt trapped and angry.
How could I give more to my patients and deprive my children? Where had my priorities gone? And then we moved.
Guam saved me.
MPG pediatrics saved me.
For the first time I was able to work part-time. For the first time I was able to walk my kids down to the bus stop and pick them up at school. I now attend gymnastics and swim classes with the kids. I cook homemade meals and read to my kids.I keep up with the laundry and I now have so much time- I actually blog and play with photography!
What am I complaining about?
Nothing that’s what. At least not today.
Why today?
Today I listened to an ICU nurse talk of her recent deployment in Afghanistan. She’s been home a week and the trauma is fresh. There are dead and mutilated men, women and children on her mind.
I let her talk and felt lucky to be reminded that I am blessed.
This time here in Guam in good.
I used to live and breathe medicine. For years I would wake up and go to sleep with a patient and their diagnosis permeating my brain. I would hyperventilate to think I’d miss a diagnosis. I’d run it over and over in my mind. And still think I got it wrong.
Before and exam, I’d stay awake for hours to cram in every last bit of knowledge. I’d study up to the last second before the test. When in residency, I’d come in early and stay late. Nothing was too much. I was dedicated. I was a physician and I’d taken an oath. There was no other way. I laughed when asked if I would work part time after I had my first.
Then I had my first child and then the second and then the third. I had three kids in 4 years and it rocked my world.
I now lived and breathed them and couldn’t keep the medicine in my brain. Sleep deprivation had never felt so bad. I fell asleep once while nursing my oldest. She slid off my lap, down my legs and almost hit the floor until I finally woke up and caught her.
I pumped in the call room and later after graduation I pumped while driving into clinic.
Clinic medicine was worse than residency- My kids were dropped off at 5:30 am and picked up at 6:30 pm. They ate breakfast, lunch and dinner at the daycare.
I cried when I tried to call in sick at the office and was told that the 32 patients waiting to see me wouldn’t be too happy.
I felt trapped and angry.
How could I give more to my patients and deprive my children? Where had my priorities gone? And then we moved.
Guam saved me.
MPG pediatrics saved me.
For the first time I was able to work part-time. For the first time I was able to walk my kids down to the bus stop and pick them up at school. I now attend gymnastics and swim classes with the kids. I cook homemade meals and read to my kids.I keep up with the laundry and I now have so much time- I actually blog and play with photography!
What am I complaining about?
Nothing that’s what. At least not today.
Why today?
Today I listened to an ICU nurse talk of her recent deployment in Afghanistan. She’s been home a week and the trauma is fresh. There are dead and mutilated men, women and children on her mind.
I let her talk and felt lucky to be reminded that I am blessed.
This time here in Guam in good.