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I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way

Posted Dec 07 2009 10:00pm
I'm sensitive.

A cross to bear. A blessing and curse in one.

When someone I love is hurting...I hurt. My eyes will tear, my heart will ache. I will be in that pain with them.

I am always considering other peoples feelings...some would say to a fault.

I can pick up on things unspoken...and can know a need before it's been told.

In that sense, it's a blessing. It connects me. It bonds me.

And yet, it manages create the opposite effect as well.
It's keeps me seperate.
It keeps me apart.
Disconnected.

Because I'm sensitive.

My feelings get hurt.

I read into actions. Words. Lack of words.

I question myself, did I do enough? Be enough? Care enough?

I wonder, do they love me, do they care, what do they think?

I feel deeply. I think deeply. I love deeply.

And it sometimes causes me to hurt deeply.

It's called being sensitive.

It's the way God made me, I didn't choose this.
I remember being this way as far back as I can remember.

I guess some things will never change.

I used to ask God to fix it. To fix me. My heart.
I thought it was broken. I thought I was broken.

I wanted to be tougher. I wanted to be more closed.
More like her, or him, or you.
Or even just to be more....safe.

It's not exactly safe being sensitive.

But, recently He reminded me:

"You were born my original. Try not to become someone else's copy."
{taken from The Measure of our Success}
"I will not ask you why you were not Moses. I will ask you why you were not Summer."
{original quote by Rabbi Susya, paraphrased by moi}

So I've been meditating on that, and praying.

And while acceptance is still a grasp away, I understand.

This is my cross to bear.
It's my blessing and a curse.

It is mine. God has trusted me with all that I am.

So...in the words of Jewel...

I'm sensitive.

And I'd like to stay that way.

~~~~~~~

What's your cross? Do you bear it proudly?


© 2009 "Le Musings of Moi"
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