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I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way

Posted Dec 07 2009 10:00pm
I'm sensitive.

A cross to bear. A blessing and curse in one.

When someone I love is hurting...I hurt. My eyes will tear, my heart will ache. I will be in that pain with them.

I am always considering other peoples feelings...some would say to a fault.

I can pick up on things unspoken...and can know a need before it's been told.

In that sense, it's a blessing. It connects me. It bonds me.

And yet, it manages create the opposite effect as well.
It's keeps me seperate.
It keeps me apart.

Because I'm sensitive.

My feelings get hurt.

I read into actions. Words. Lack of words.

I question myself, did I do enough? Be enough? Care enough?

I wonder, do they love me, do they care, what do they think?

I feel deeply. I think deeply. I love deeply.

And it sometimes causes me to hurt deeply.

It's called being sensitive.

It's the way God made me, I didn't choose this.
I remember being this way as far back as I can remember.

I guess some things will never change.

I used to ask God to fix it. To fix me. My heart.
I thought it was broken. I thought I was broken.

I wanted to be tougher. I wanted to be more closed.
More like her, or him, or you.
Or even just to be

It's not exactly safe being sensitive.

But, recently He reminded me:

"You were born my original. Try not to become someone else's copy."
{taken from The Measure of our Success}
"I will not ask you why you were not Moses. I will ask you why you were not Summer."
{original quote by Rabbi Susya, paraphrased by moi}

So I've been meditating on that, and praying.

And while acceptance is still a grasp away, I understand.

This is my cross to bear.
It's my blessing and a curse.

It is mine. God has trusted me with all that I am. the words of Jewel...

I'm sensitive.

And I'd like to stay that way.


What's your cross? Do you bear it proudly?

© 2009 "Le Musings of Moi"
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