Six more days and its going to be the biggest event for all Chinese as we celebrate Chinese Lunar New Year. I guess its also the festive season which children enjoy most with lots of Ang Pao (Red Packets with $ in them) to collect, sweets and goodies to eat, as well as visiting relatives whom we contact only on occasions.
One of the ‘Must’ for Chinese New Year is to do spring cleaning, as we believe that a thorough cleaning of the entire house will remove away all the bad luck from the previous year and hence ready to receive all the good that is to come in the new year.
As I was clearing our storeroom I discovered that the hobbies and passion in me were actually inherited from my dad and mom. I saw newspaper cuttings on horoscopes and chinese zodiac signs. I found a recipe book, which was handwritten by my mom with pictures of food in it, which is exactly what I am doing now. I even found a piece of paper with my dad’s handwriting on all the symbols for different anniversaries, eg. 1st anniversary is paper, 2nd anniversary is cotton, so on and so forth. I had that myself too.
I never knew that whatever that I am passionate about, my parents were too! After-all I am their flesh and blood, ain’t I? Then I found another A4 size paper full of words on both sides written by my mom….
“ To Parents:
1-Remember that your children need your support and approval for their emotional well-being however much they try to believe they don’t.
2-If you really love them, you must accept that they will leave you to begin lives of their own. So help them flex those wings instead of dipping them.
3-They will always be your children, blood of your blood but that doesn’t mean you have to treat them like perennial juveniles.
4-In moments of stress, try not to vent your anger by saying things calculated to hurt and humiliate because very often the damage is permanent. The same applies to children. Hold your tongue until you’re in control of your emotions.
5-Parents who use money as a manipulative tool to control their kids end up ingraining resentment in the child which kills the relationship. You can’t mind control them with money so you might as well begin resorting to reason.
6-Don’t give orders or issue ultimatums because this shows and absolute back off respect for the other person’s right to decide.
7-If you can’t persuade the children to do what you feel is best, don’t be too proud to settle for middle ground. A compromise is better than utter defeat.
8-Let them go out and take the blows. You can’t protect them forever so it’s far better that you get them into the habit of fending for themselves early in life. But to make it clear that you’re ready to catch them if they fall.
All this isn’t easy but who ever said being a parent was easy!
On the filp side…….
1-However obnoxious and hateful your parents appear to be, they love you so try not to react angrily to everything they say.
2-Make an effort to see yourself through their eyes.
3-It doesn’t cost you anything to show a little affection. Small kindness and respect are often reciprocated.
4-Remember that being mature means being sensitive enough not to trample on other people’s feelings.
5-They’re not just your parents. They’re people who are probably just as bewildered by you as you are by them and the both of you may be camouflaging your feelings with hostility.
6-Learn to accept advice gracefully. If you don’t agree with the advice given, take time to explain why. Impatience invites childish behaviour.
7-Remember that when you walk out, you walk out whole but they (parent) lose a part of themselves. It’s a sad fact that as parents get older they need their children more than vice versa. You are their link with life, their reason to live another day.
8-Talk to them. Share your activities if at all possible. Let them into your life.
It’s obvious of course that nothing will work unless two sides cooperate because a relationship is ultimately still a two way street.”