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how to fight right with your man

Posted May 11 2010 7:45am
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Believe it or not, Jimmy and I fight sometimes.

I mean, obviously, it's because he's wrong, but still....
we fight.

What I've noticed is that if we dont really address and SOLVE the issue at hand,
and instead just try to move forward,
and then it ends up being tacked on to the next fight.

And then if we don't solve THAT issue,
those two unresolved issues show up in the next fight and so on...

It's vicious,
and us women can really unintentionally hold on to A LOT that we have no idea about.

I caught myself wondering why I was SO upset this last fight we had,
when on the surface (and to him) it really wasn't the end of the world.

And that's when I realized....it was so much more than THIS fight.

So, after a few days of stewing and creating a shell around my heart,
I decided to try something new.

I asked Jimmy if I could have some of his time,
where I could just sit and explain my side of things.
Express my feelings, my thoughts, my frustrations....
and have him promise to not SAY A WORD.
All he was allowed to do was listen.

And can I just tell you?
It was AMAZING.

There was no interrupting.
No defending.
Or deflecting.
Or accusing.
Or excuses.

I felt so safe.

And then he promised to take at least 24 hours to think and pray over what I'd said,
and come back with his own thoughts....
and then together we'd finally be able to solve the issue without heated emotions.

Genius, right?

For the first time,
I felt years of frustration melt away by simply making a change to the way things have been done.

I'm hoping we'll be able to keep this up the next time he's wrong.
And that maybe if we actually start solving THIS fight,
they won't feel so big or get so out of hand the next time.

Anyway....we can all use advice in regards to this....

So, how do you guys fight right?

© 2010 "Le Musings of Moi"
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