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Hormonal Changes After Pregnancy: Maybe I Did Have a Baby with a Lobotomy on the Side

Posted Sep 22 2008 11:03am
Your body changes after pregnancy. No one will tell you. You'll assume the weight, the pouch, the stretch marks...but it's so much more. You're feet will get big and no amount of binding will return them to their former glory. Your hair...thinner, flatter, not so big, poofy, sexy any more. So many things change that will probably depress you, upset you, make you yearn for the life you had where you wore cute shoes, and had perky breasts and fabulous hair.

But you expect those things. It's okay. You get over it. You're a mom now! That's the important thing. There are women all over wishing for kids that hate you, so shut up and be happy.

Fine. I get all that. I can even deal with the pain, that according to the doctors will probably never get better, from the two unnecessary d&c's and the c-section. All of that is what it is. Suck it up? No problem. I can do that.

But the hormonal issue that no one warned me about is...well, it's just too much for me to bear. Now, I am absolutely going to offend someone with this. I will probably offend most women. I can't help it. This is my disclaimer so expect no other apologies.

You see, the truth is, I am really girlie in some ways. When I used to go out partying, I expected my guy friends to carry me at the end of the night because my feet hurt from my high heeled shoes. If I'm out with a male friend, of course they should pick up the tab. Boys should come over and kill bugs when I demand it. I even had a friend buy me a tiara...a real honest to goodness tiara...because they called me Princess Naomi.

At the same time, I was the girl who wanted to join the football team because it annoyed me that girls weren't suppose to. I prided myself on being able to drink every man I met under the table. And man, you should have seen me arm wrestling these big guys and winning. Defend the little guy, don't ask for directions, shove my way through crowds...I really do have excess testosterone hidden under a layer of girlie girlness.

The weird, uncharacteristic-for-me hormonal issues started when I was pregnant. Then they just kept getting worse.

I noticed it slightly in the beginning...I started crying at everything. Hallmark commercials to random TV shows. Now, if you know me, you'd know that I don't believe in crying. After an unfortunate childhood incident, I decided to never cry again. So I didn't. Plus, it makes you all puffy and red, crying is stupid.

Every time I'd cry, I'd think, stupid pregnancy hormones...when are they going to dissipate? My daughter's 3 1/2 and they still haven't, so I guess i better get used to all this insane crying.

Even that is manageable. But what I've discovered through my first attempt at dating since my daughter with Yuppie Jeff, my rich ex w/ lots of drama and my second attempt now Contractor Chris my not so rich whatever w/ lots of drama (notice a pattern?) is that I've turned into that stereotypical girl that I hate.

Not so much with Yuppie Jeff, because I always knew he was an ass, so I wasn't expecting much from him. But now with Contractor Chris, I'm all..."Is he gonna call?" "Should I text him?" "Was that my cell? Did he text me?" Blah blah blah blah blah. wft!?

Is this was normal women go through, because it's exhausting! Is this why they're so emotional about dating? I've always dated like a guy. I let them chase me around like a chicken without a head and get around to them when I'm bored. See, if you date like a man, men will normally start acting like a women...calling a lot, always wanting to see you, constantly trying to define the relationship. Men are easily confused. That's one of the big secrets women don't realize about men.


So, I've been going through all this wacky what should I do crap that I never would have even thought about pre-baby. And I realize a lot of that is because I need to factor how my dating will effect my child, but I think more of the drama is created by the fact that having a child has turned me into the stereotypical kind of woman that annoys the crap out of me.

Hormonal changes suck.

Like with most things, once you realize you have a problem, it's easier to fix it. So, no more of this crap where I'm all like "Yeah! He called at lunch just to say hi!" or "Should I call him?" or any other kind of needy garbage. (I am amazed that my friends that act like this have time to live their lives...its' rather all consuming.) I am going to make a conscious effort to be normal me. Distant. Uncaring. Disconnected. Yet sweet, kind and caring at the same time. I know how to balance it out. This girlie-I-can't-wait-to-hear-from-him-bs is getting on my nerves.

Sorry. I was so irritated with myself that I really needed to vent. Plus those three glasses of wine probably didn't help...
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