...and I'm a lazy blogger...("Hi PunkRockChic")...It's been way too long since my last post! To be fair, my time is stretched with mommying an infant, a toddler and my neat-freakish-habits. I'm tellin' ya, I'm a serious freak of nature. I can't leave our place if there's dishes in the sink or crumbs on the floor. I hate having a messy place. We've been homebound the last few days cuz of the weather and cuz gas prices are out-freakin'-rageous here lately. It's cheaper for Ryan to pay for parking at work than for me to drop him off and pick him up. So we've been staying true to our budget and I've been staying home. Which is great for my apartment because I've had the time to wash and scrub and organize. But not so great for my cabin fever. Or Franky's. I love my little man to pieces, but man if he doesn't get out at least every other day he is cranky. And defiant. And every bit the definition of a toddler in his terrible two's. When we get out and about often he gets the opportunity to explore, wander and roam. He gets some energy out. When we're home for too many days in a row he's a crab-ass. He challenges me for every little thing, throws fits when he gets frustrated and no matter how many indoor activities I can muster up, he's just plain bored. I can take one look at him and tell what he's thinking: To hell with the coloring books, mega blocks or t-ball set, I want OUT dammit!
Aside from being stretched-thin time-wise, I am one tired momma. Franky has been doing great about sleeping in his own room. Actually, I think he sleeps more soundly in there than he ever did with us! He loves having the freedom of playing for a bit before crawling into bed with his stuffed Mickey Mouse, Birdy and Woody. But, he's been waking up early as hell lately...As in 8:15 am early. For a mom whose used to her kids sleeping until 10:30 or 11:00, 8:15 is like a kick in the balls. Painful and unnecessary. And because he's up early, his baby sister is too, cuz really, who the hell can sleep through all the ruckus? The plus-side is that he's asleep by 10:30, which is a nice change. Before we'd barely be getting him in his room by 11:30. So why am I complaining? Well, even though he's on a better schedule, I'm not and I'm still going to bed no earlier than midnight every night because I'm a freak of nature and can't go to bed unless all the toys are picked up and sink is empty. I hate, hate, hate a sink full of dishes.
In baby girl news, she's a giggling queen! My girl does these raspy-voiced, whole-hearted, high-volumed belly laughs that literally choke me up and bring me to tears. Her laughs are music to my ears. They feed my soul and have me wondering how I ever got this lucky to be her momma. I am thankful every day that she belongs to me. Like the quote in Fools Rush In, she is everything I never knew I always wanted. For real. I always thought I only wanted boys. I must have been out of my mind. I love my son with my entire being. But there is something magical about baby girls. And for someone whose least favorite color is (was) pink, I'm all about it now. Bring on the pepto-bismol pink, baby, cuz I'm gonna wrap my girl in it until she begs for a different color. Pink nail polish. Pink bows and barrettes. Pink tutus. Pink onesies and dresses. I can't get enough. I'm hooked. And I understand now why baby girls are so much fun. I no longer want to be an all-boy momma. I want to be a mixed-gender momma. Cuz there's a special kind of magic to having one of each gender and I'm loving every bit of it.
She's also starting to fit in 6 month clothes. Her 3 month Carter's and Circo sleepers are fitting a bit snugly, so I'm bringing out all her 6 month stuff even though it's all a little bit big. She'll grow into it in no time =) She's still fitting comfortably in all of her 3-6 month outfits but the 6 month ones are still big. Her four-month check-up is next week and I'm excited to see how much she's grown and how she compares to where Franky was at the same age. She'll also get her 4 month shots and I always dread those =( And today, she is FOUR months old! Where does time go?
I try my best to be honest here, especially when I'm asked directly. Someone asked me recently why I vaccinate my kids when I seem so "crunchy" otherwise. Can I just say that it trips me out when I'm called "crunchy?" Ha! I never, in a million years, would ever have thought of myself as crunchy, but I take it as compliment when I am. Yes, I've made (and will make) my own baby food, but I've also jar-fed (and will jar-feed) when it's more convenient or when there's no way for me to keep the homemade stuff fresh. I EBF (exclusively breast feed) but there were times with Franky when I needed to pump ahead and bottle-feed when I knew I couldn't breastfeed. Thankfully, I haven't been in a situation where I couldn't nurse Marija, but I'm sure the time will come and I'll have no choice but to pump ahead and bottle-feed (like for Ryan's cousin's upcoming wedding. Yes, I'm crazy enough to bring my kids to a wedding, haha! Truthfully, this is a situation where we'd leave them with Ryan's parents for the night, but they'll be at the wedding too, so our kids are coming with =). I'm a baby-wearer as much as possible, but when I'm cooking or baking, I feel that it's safer to put Marija in her bouncer or play-gym while I cook than to wear her and risk burning her. I chose to circumcise my son, which I've learned is not "crunchy" but I've never claimed to be crunchy, so there ;-p. All-in-all, it trips me out when I'm called crunchy, but it also makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside ;-)
As far as vaccinating my kids goes, I've been doing some serious research on vaccinations, and I gotta be honest, some of it scared me. I've been a bit on-the-fence about vaccinating ever since but I've compared the pros and cons and as often as they're around other kids and as easily as things get passed around, the benefits outweigh the risks. We are around other kids who are the same age, older and younger than mine and someone is always carrying a bug. I feel like my kids have a pretty good immunity to things now cuz when they get sick it's not for long or not at all. There are times when we're around other kids who have a bug and I'm waiting for my kids to come down with it, but they don't, so I take that as a good sign of how their little immune systems are working. If we lived in more of a small-town area and were rarely around other kids or people in general, I might consider delaying vaccinations or not vaccinating at all, but I gotta be a realist and the truth is, my kids' health would be in a lot more danger from not being protected with as much as they're around other people.
I've been doing some serious thinking about getting back into school lately. I wanted to go back after I was done nursing Franky but the next classes I needed at WSU were only offered in the fall, so I decided to wait until last fall. But then I got pregnant with Marija last winter and I knew I'd be delivering in the fall and didn't want to even think about juggling school with having a baby, so I didn't. But I'm thinking about going back this fall. I'm only 11 credits short of graduating with my Bachelor's in Journalism...and I feel like it's never too late to follow your dreams. If I went back this fall, the semester would start in September but I'd only take one class at a time and Mimi would be almost a year old and we'll probably start the weaning process around September so she'll take bottles more often and it would all work out. I'd want to take my class on one of Ryan's days off so he'd be home with the kids. It's a lot to consider, but it's something I need to do, not only for myself, but for my family. There are so many freelance writing opportunities that I could pursue, but not until I can present the piece of paper that will prove I'm legit. So back to school I go, hopefully. Ry is back in school too now (I'm SO proud of him!) so it'll be interesting to see how we juggle it all, but we're pros at multi-tasking so I'm confident we'll be able to work it all out. I kind of wanted to transfer to EMU, which is minutes from our apartment, but I'd lose close to 30 credits in the process, so I'm gonna stick with WSU.
I had an interesting conversation with someone recently about how they were pissed at their ex and that's why they were keeping their kids from their dad. I try my damndest not to be judgmental and try to be empathetic, but in this situation I just wanted to scream at her that she was hurting her kids more than punishing her ex. I guess I just don't understand why any parent would keep their kids separated from the other parent. I feel like it would hurt the kids more than anything, especially if the other parent is a good parent. That's one thing I always appreciated about my parents in their divorce is that neither of them tried keeping us from the other parent. In the beginning we all lived with my mom, then my younger brother and baby sister (she was the baby at the time) went to live with my dad while me and my other sister stayed with my mom. Now, I'm married, my other sister is on her own and my brother and younger sister are with my mom. But either way, neither of my parents ever tried keeping us from the other parent regardless of how pissed they were at each other or whatever drama they had going on with each other. Divorce is a mutherfucker. I hated it. Every minute of it. From the separate households to the separate holidays to the heartbroken-but-trying-to-cope parents bad-mouthing each other to us. I despised it. And I vowed that my kids would never know what a broken home was. Ry and I came close to separating ( here , here , here , here , here , here ) a few years ago but I'm glad we didn't because our kids deserve better. Despite whatever bullshit we go through, our kids always come first. Period. He and I have had our fair share of ups and downs but what keeps my heart filled with adrenaline for that man is that he's an excellent father. And he worships the ground I walk on, and I him. I'd walk to the ends of the earth for him, and he knows it. For the most part, any bullshit we've gone through has been because I've instigated it. We've both played our part in being fucked up to each other but at the end of the day, as crazy as he makes me sometimes, he makes my heart skip a beat and I know that my worst spell with him would be better than my best spell without him. Anyway, my point is, I just don't understand why someone would keep their kid from the other parent to punish their ex. It just seems so wrong to me. As a child of divorce, I know that fairytales are bullshit and that shit happens. But in the event of shit happening, I would never keep my kids from their dad. Ever. Sure, I'd be punishing him from keeping him from the people who are his reason for living, but more than anything I'd be punishing them. And hurting them. It's fucked up...and I'd never do it. I'd never keep my kids from their dad. And God-willing I'll never be in a position where I'd have to share their time or where we'd have divorce in common.
I wanna end this note on a positive note...with many, many, many pictures of the tiny little people who make my world spin 'round <3
I love this face, she slays me <3
He HAD to give the jumperoo a try
I LOOOVE me some baby piggies
"Mama, DON'T tell me 'don't jump on the bed!'"
My little princess
My living doll
Franky had lots of fun with this
Maybe a little too much fun =)