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Helping bearded ladies one post at a time...

Posted Apr 09 2009 7:16pm
Okay, so here's the thing. I am just going to come clean with it because I am sure that if you got close enough to me you would realize it anyways. So *deep breath* I, Domestic Extraordinaire, have a facial hair problem. Not just a stray hair here, stray hair there kind of thing. The kind that, if on a teenage boy, would make him run to all of his friends and say "Check out my facial hair, yo!" And those boys would be "That is awesome, I am so jealous!"

Okay so I don't really speak teeangeresque at all well.  I am sure that when if teenage boys see my facial hair they are seriously grossed out.  I know that I am disgusted each and every morning I look in the mirror and see a sea of hairs that weren't there the day before. 

I have always struggled with plentiful amounts of dark hair.  If my eyebrows were left to their own devices I would have a single brow.  That fine, downy hair that covers all parts of everyone's bodies....well, mine is black.  I remember in 7th grade when my "boyfriend" Billy came over to my house to bring me a mixed tape-he stated in a low tone, "Um, Heather, you have a mustache" (Although at the time I totally thought I had a kool-aid mustache, but that is a story for another time) And let's just say that when my mother wouldn't let me shave until I was 12-I died a bit inside each summer.

I remember when Giggles was about 7 months old and I realized that I had 7 very long black chin hairs. I freaked and pulled into the first store I saw, Albertsons, and bought a pair of tweezers to rip those bad boys out. 

Oh, how I long for the day of those seven stray hairs.  

I tweeze, I wax, I have bleached.  And those disappearing hair cremes-yes even those have been slathered on my face in hopes of getting rid of these stubborn hairs.  My face is silky smooth for about an hour and then it is like I never did a thing.  

Maybe I am totally self conscious.  Possibly no one notices.  But, I seriously doubt it.  

Many women complain about acne that plaques them well into their 30's.  While I don't claim to know your pain-but sometimes I wish that acne was my case.  Its normal for women to have zits-the ability to grow more facial hair than your husband? Not so much.

In fact, after I finish writing this post I will be heading upstairs to liberate some more hair.  Not the way that I enjoy spending my Sunday evenings.  

So next time you want to visit the bearded lady at the fair-think of me & send those $5 my way, yo.  I will save up for those laser treatments. 
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