“Not to tease you. BUT!!! Tomorrow we are doing something that is going to be either the BEST or the WORST moment in Mommin’ It Up history!! Stayed tuned” — Jenny Rapson, 11/19/12
So. Let’s see. Where to begin.
Remember a long, long time ago when Nick Lachey stood me up ?
Well guess what.
Jenny and I are going to meet him. Today. And we’re not just going to meet him – we’re going to sit down with Nick and interview him.
You see, Nick has teamed up with one of our favorite brands – Tide – and the NFL (Tide’s their official detergent, you know) and they’re hosting an event at the home of Nick’s favorite team, the Cincinnati Bengals. And OMG BFF we are invited!!
Can you guess what our first question will be?
I haven’t exactly decided how to broach the subject with him. Just put it out there on the table first thing? “Hi! So nice to meet you! We almost met once before but you totally stood me up. So glad you could make it today!”
Or wait until we’ve ingratiated ourselves to him and be like “Just one more thing. There was this contest on the radio to win lunch with you and I entered EVERY DAY. And I won!!! It was awesome. But you didn’t show. Can you explain yourself?”
I don’t know how we’re going to do it, but we are SO EXCITED to get to the bottom of this.
And also to get our picture taken with him.
But! We don’t want to make complete jackwagons out of ourselves, so we’ve prepped our other questions carefully.
Actually, that’s not true. We haven’t done that at all. But what we have done is create a list of questions that we must keep to ourselves.
Without further ado…
The Top Ten Questions We Cannot Under Any Circumstances Ask Nick Lachey.
#1. What are your thoughts on Jessica giving her baby the same name as your brother? Many, many books have been published that contain at least 1,999 names that are NOT her ex-husband’s ex-boy band co-star brother’s name.
#2. Any question that starts with “Remember that time you were on Newlyweds?” (Which, I might add, eliminates all important questions.)
#3. Did you ever have the hots for Ashlee?
#4. How about Tina?
#5. Speaking of the Simpsons – did you know Papa Joe was gay?
#6. Did Papa Joe always hate you because he put the moves on you and you rejected him? (Here I always thought it was because he put the moves on Jessica and she rejected him. Goes to show there’s more behind the scenes that we see on reality tv!)
#7. Did Vanessa use Jessica’s wedding planning book before your big day?
#8. Do you and Vanessa have plans for a reality show based on your lives?
#9. Who got custody of Daisy?
#10. When Vanessa takes kids to the pool, do they actually go swimming?
Ok, now that we’ve gotten that out of our system, we should be good to go!! We just need to find a classy way to ask him why he left me standing at the altar – I mean, eating lunch by myself – and we have to make sure we don’t let the word “Jessica” cross our lips. And Jenny has to NOT tell him I’m going to lick him, like she did the last time we met a famous person. And I have to actually speak and not sit there like a mute dumbass, like I did the last time we met a famous person. And, OMG, we have to stay out of elevators at all costs .