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He just had to open his mouth and ruin everything…

Posted Jan 14 2010 12:05am

Like most men, Tim is slow to cross things off of his "to do" list. Every time I hear him say, "I really need to fix that", I just laugh and say, "Yeah, well go ahead and add that to your list...would this be #67 or #68?”

Now, I know that he doesn't have a lot of spare time to do these things...his weekdays are spent at work and his weekends are spent entertaining 4 little creatures from the black lagoon. So I can't be too hard on him, I guess.

He's been talking about building some shelves in our family room for months now. I could barely listen to him talk about it without wanting to laugh hysterically. But out of nowhere, he went and bought some wood and got all his equipment gathered in the garage and went to work.

Being the pervert that he is, he had a great time driving me up a wall with comments like, “Hey sweetie, do you want to feel my wood and make sure it’s smooth enough?” and “Sweetie, can you hold my wood for me?” If only his hands could work as fast as his sex-crazed brain, the shelves would’ve been up a long time ago.

However, within days, he had the shelves up on the wall...while I sat there with my jaw hanging open.


There was something HOT about him working so hard to complete these shelves, much to my surprise.

The next day I was whining to him about how my laptop was driving me crazy because one of the plug-ins wasn’t working. He spent an entire 3 hours that night trying to figure out why Adobe 10 wouldn’t work with Windows 7.

Yes, people, my man gave up an entire evening of watching his lame sci-fi shows, while munching on chips and loudly announcing “HELLO” every time he farted all so he could fix the problem. In reality, I know he probably did it because he just wanted me to shut the hell up but still….it was HOT.

His next project was to try to fix my camera, which Landon broke. He took the whole dang thing apart and went to work to salvage my beloved camera.


However, it was beyond repair. As I frowned, he said, “It’s okay…this camera was old anyway. We can get another one this weekend. I’ll do some research and see what’s out there.”

And, lo and behold, he actually did! Within an hour, he called down to me from upstairs and said, “Sweetie, I found one that’s similar to ours and, best of all, it’s affordable”.

Now, the most impressive thing is that this all took place in a matter of 3 days. There was just something SO attractive about him taking charge and getting things done. He’s on a roll…nothing can stop him now.

Well…actually there is. His mouth. He opened it and said, “So if I get some more things done around here, what are you gonna do for me?” as his hands reached for my ass.

Seriously? Why does everything have to come down to sex? I said, “Uh, let’s see….I’ll continue caring for your spawn 10 hours a day, cooking meals and doing the laundry. Besides, having sex with you is #103 on my to-do list and I’m only at #32; however, maybe…and this is a HUGE maybe…if I’m not too tired tonight, I’ll cuddle with you on the sofa”.

And really….why isn’t a genuine, whole-hearted “thank you” good enough for him?

Clucking his tongue, he said “That’s a raw deal”. I don’t expect he’ll be going out of his way the rest of the year to fix any more things around here.

Memorable conversation of the day:

Bella: Are chickens alive before we eat them?
Me: Yes
Bella: And they had to die so we could eat them?
Me: Yes, unfortunately
Bella: I want to learn how to kill a chicken
Me: Eeeew, you do? Why?
Bella: I don’t know, I just do.
Me: And just how do you think you’re gonna learn how to kill a chicken?
Bella: Well, there’s got to be a “chicken killing” class somewhere. Can you call the YMCA and see if they have one?
Me: Uh, yeah…I’ll get right on that. But first let me call the therapist and find out when he can see you next.

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