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Guess it's time to come clean...I let myself down

Posted Mar 27 2012 1:23pm
You might have noticed I haven't been around much.  Not here, not on Facebook, not on Twitter.

Or maybe you haven't noticed and you're just now thinking, "Oh yeah, I guess she has been MIA".   No worries.  I'm not offended.  Well,  maybe 11.7% of me is offended.  Whatever.

Here's the thing....

I've let myself down.  I am so completely disappointed in myself because of what I've done.  I vowed to not let it happen but I got careless and lazy...I believed I was immune to it simply because I wanted it badly enough.

Remember the 35 pounds I lost last year through nothing other than blood, sweat and tears ?

Well, since October 2011, I've slowly put back on 20 of those pounds.  20 of those pounds that I worked my ass off for...TWENTY POUNDS, people!

It began with Cole and Bella's 7th birthday when I allowed myself to indulge in cake, one of my weaknesses.

And then came Halloween, then Thanksgiving...and then Christmas.  I was baking cookies on a weekly basis with the kids, eating fudge as if it were the most nutritious food in the world...just packing it in and not giving a shit.

And then reality hit, when I realized earlier this month that in celebration of my weight loss last year I had gotten rid of all my "fat clothes".  If I continued on this downward spiral, I'd have nothing to wear this summer and I refuse to go buy new clothes in a bigger size.

In addition, my doctor put me back on my cholesterol medication when my recent blood work revealed my levels have gone back up.  No surprise there, I suppose.

So, there you have it.  I've come clean.  And I'm ashamed and disappointed in myself.

It's back to the drawing board once again.

Instead of spending time on my ass in front of the computer, I've been trying to be more active.  I've gotten Jillian Michael's newest program, The Body Revolution, and it's kicking my fat ass all over the place....but in a good way.

And I've discovered that while I did gain some weight back, I still have plenty of muscle and strength, which feels amazing and empowering.

When my kids want to go to the park, I spend time doing walk/sprint intervals around the play area while they play instead of sitting on the nearby bench on my iPhone.   When they want to jump on the trampoline, I no longer see it as my opportunity to take a break and get on the computer.  I now jump with them.

I've been spending more time in the kitchen, engaging my kids in helping me cook healthy meals and getting away from all the processed crap.  They're learning about good fats, bad fats, how to make sure to eat all the colors of the rainbow and proper portion size.

I'm not obsessing about it with them by any means but I'm simply teaching them all the things I wish my mother had taught me when I was their age.

I can do this.  I've done it before and I'll do it again.

However, this will be the last time.  I will lose the weight necessary in order to be healthy and fit once again.

And I will keep it off.

That, my friends, is a promise.



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