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Growing...

Posted Oct 25 2008 4:47pm
Colette had her first visit with our beloved pediatrician today. We just love our kids' doctor...she held our (my) hand through Ben's reflux (still does, since he's 4 and still taking medication). When we told her we were adopting she started to cry, and gave us a glowing report to turn in to the agency.

So today when I walked into the waiting room, car seat on my arm and a sleeping, swaddled Coco inside, it was wonderful that she was the first person I saw. They ushered us straight back, and I got to fill out paperwork while sweet baby girl had her exam.

She was 6 pounds, 15 ounces at birth, and today (at 9 days old) was 7 pounds, 5 ounces (I don't know what her weight was at when discharged from the hospital). So we know she's eating just right! I *thought* she was starting to fill out a bit...it's nice to have that reassurance.

She's healthy, alert, active, and just perfect! I was able to hand over J's prenatal and Colette's hospital records for her file. It's so great being able to hand over complete medical information. I think our pediatrician was impressed that we have as much information as we do.

We go back in 6 weeks (or was it 2 months? I'm a little sleep deprived), and today's visit just included another heel stick for her 2nd PKU. Girlfriend let the world know that she was NOT HAPPY with this, but then settled right down and finished her bottle.

I called J on the way home to let her know the details, and was able to chat with her mom briefly. J was at church with her youth group, and I'm so glad she's jumped right back into her active lifestyle (I'm going to pretend that she didn't go bowling today. Otherwise, my uterus starts to have sympathy pains.).

We've spoken almost every day since she's been home, and every time she sounds so upbeat and positive and it just makes my heart happy to hear how well she's doing. I don't know what it's like at night, or when she's alone...but she tells me she misses her daughter and is sad because of that, but knows she made the right decision and has no regrets. I cling to this...She is such an incredible person. I hate the thought that she is hurting. So even if she's just saying it to keep me from busting out the Ugly Cry, I'll take it.

After Colette's appointment we ran to Walmart in search of a Batgirl costume for Sam. Of course, we *had* to delve into the baby section, and I picked up a few cute things that we couldn't live without. We turned down the blanket aisle and I saw something that made me catch my breath...the little lovey that J bought for Colette at the end of her pregnancy.

It's tucked into Colette's crib, and I snuggle it next to her when she's sleeping. To see it hanging on the rack at Walmart made me remember a beautiful, glowing, laughing mommy-to-be, lovingly picking out something special for her unborn daughter. Something for her take to her new home. And then I was weepy once again.

It's not fair, this adoption stuff. It's so wonderful, and happy, and loving/joyful/blessed. But it's also awful, and sad, and hard to understand.

I wouldn't trade our experience for the world. But sometimes I wish that adoption never needed to happen. That all mommies could HAVE their own babies and not deal with infertility. That all mommies could care for their babies.

And then I look at sweet Colette, and I can't imagine our life without her in it. And I know this was meant to be. And I'm just glad that I can share in J's sadness and grief, so that in turn, she has some of our joy and happiness.

What a wild ride this is.
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