When I was pregnant with my twins, I thought they were both girls. When I found out baby A was a boy I was very surprised, it was if I never knew I could create one of those. Maybe I was just hoping for a girl.
Boy did I get one. R is sweet and spice and everything nice- sometimes. I read once that a mother daughter relationship is tough because you see all of their faults as your own. Maybe that is true and maybe it is not but I see how difficult a mother/daughter relationship can be and I have only been at it for seven years.
R is almost mythical to me. Sometimes I just stare at her as if I don't know what to do with her. It is as if I found a unicorn in the woods, would I want to jump on it and ride it as fast as I could to see all that it could do and scream to the world about what I just found, or would I gently pat the beast and look tenderly in its eyes knowing what it knows and visit it every day while telling not a sole about this wonderful creature?
I love the way she laughs with her mouth open and her head tilted back. I love the way the short hair around her face curl on a humid day. I love that her eyes are so green they remind me on Christmas trees. She is tall and lean built like and athlete. She is fast. She is brave. She is kind to others and is a good student. She makes friends with everyone. She is everything I want to be.
I want whisper in her ear all the mistakes I made so she wouldn't repeat them. I want to make sure she loves herself as much as she should. I fear for her when she wants to act older, I want her to enjoy being seven for seven more months, it goes too fast. Every day she wakes up she is a little older with a little less "little girl" written all over her face. She can tell me she doesn't like princesses or dolls or playing polly pockets anymore all she wants. To me, I think even when she is an adult, I will still see her as my little girl with her head held back with a huge smile on her face playing with her dolls in my arms.
I especially love that I know it will be one of my final pictures in my mind as I leave this world. I love you R- for eternity.