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Posted Nov 04 2009 10:06pm

On Thursday night I was feeling blue so before I fell asleep I wrote myself a note and left it by my pillow:
What I need to do is believe + write + love.

I hadn't know I'd write that, I'd simply set myself the task of trying to focus on what I need to do next. It's that first to second book moment - you know, what happens now? Maybe TV? I had a meeting with Tiger Aspect and I'd like to do that; what we talked about. Anyhow, I've not been too interested in romance of late. I'm reasonably content and all that 'will he call, won't he,' business that goes with hooking up with someone is not at all appealing right now. I'm thinking more along the lines of, 'What colour bedding would I like in my new bedroom? Brown? Silver? Caramel? Icky Green? ' and 'How does one bag a scholarship for my son at a top independent school?'

Then I drew a heart beneath the last word, 'love' as though to emphasise the 'love' part. I've been so fixed upon work, and life, and mothering, and schooling that I haven't had the time to think of love. Which suited me fine. "I'm on a dating sabbatical," I told a commissioning editor at Stella Magazine. She had called to ask me to contribute to their dating issue in November. So I'll write about why I'm on a dating sabbatical. Basically, I'm too lazy to have sex.

I'm skirting and skating...

The doorbell rang at 8am on Friday morning. There was a man with a large parcel in his hand. He asked me to sign. I thought maybe my housemate had been Internet shopping. I placed the parcel on the table then strolled off to switch the kettle on. Then I wandered back, took a seat, then noticed the label and saw it was for me.

'A present from my mum or dad,' I thought, with a knife in hand ready to slice open the sellotape. Inside was an opulent bunch of flowers, and inside a card.

'Love Toga x' I read. I smiled. I wanted to throw them in the bin. I took them one by one and arranged them in a vase. Some hours later I texted thanks. 'Will have to follow them one day x' he texted back.

How could he? I thought. When I'd forgotten him so well.
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