Let me just say that God is indeed working on me and this morning I had a really sweet time with the Lord in the living room while the kids were asleep and Randy had already gone to the church. The Lord has been speaking to me recently through dreams. If I said this to myself a few years back I would be doing a freak out number right now. Did I just say dreams and visions and God all in the same modern day sentence? But it really is scriptural and while God hasn’t always spoken to me this way He has chosen to over the last year. Anyways, I had a very vivid dream last night. I woke up wide awake and knew I needed to spend some time with the Lord. The last two times this has happened I spent some time drawing what I remembered from my dream and then prayed that God would show me what it meant or what He was wanting me to know through it. So that’s what I did this time. I drew. And can I say I am so not a drawer. I do stick figures and even then they come out looking malnourished and not completely right. Nonetheless, I drew what I remembered and then I opened my Bible and read from I Samuel 12 where God began to put on my heart areas of sin that I needed to confess. I really want to insert something like “isn’t this strange, ya’ll? Because I have never been spoken to by the Lord in this way before.” But I don’t want to cause any disrespect or make light of how God is talking to me. Because I know it’s real and it’s personal and I want to respond in the right way. As I was overcome with my sin this morning I also felt poured over by his grace and forgiveness. I read in I Samuel how the people begged for a king even though Samuel said God was their sufficient King. He counseled them repeatedly against having a king like everyone else. But they continued to want what they wanted and God let them have it….. but right as the new king (Saul) was about to be installed they realized how wrong they had been. They asked Samuel to pray for them. These are their exact words: “The people all said to Samuel, “Pray to the LORD your God for your servants so that we will not die, for we have added to all our other sins the evil of asking for a king.” I was astounded by Samuel’s response. He didn’t throw out an impatient “told ya so!” or even a sassy “why haven’t you been listening to me you big dweebs?!” Instead he said this: “Do not be afraid,” Samuel replied. “You have done all this evil; yet do not turn away from the LORD, but serve the LORD with all your heart. 21 Do not turn away after useless idols. They can do you no good, nor can they rescue you, because they are useless. 22 For the sake of his great name the LORD will not reject his people, because the LORD was pleased to make you his own. 23 As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you. And I will teach you the way that is good and right. 24 But be sure to fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you. 25 Yet if you persist in doing evil, both you and your king will perish.” I was overwhelmed with the sweet forgiveness offered in these verses. The grace extended. The reminder of the true Father’s heart that took pleasure in calling them his own. The awareness of second…third…fourth…seventy times seven chances to pick back up. I took the warning to stay away from useless idols. I asked God to show me the “kings” in my life I had been allowed to have because I kept insisting on having them and I turned them back over to Him. I also came away gleaning some of the amazing leadership qualities that Samuel possessed: persistence, unconditional love, his view of how important prayer is on behalf of those he was leading, his compassion, his confidence and his admonition wrapped in love and grace.
So these are the things God is showing me. And before you think I’m about to get too spiritual for my britches let me tell you what happened on the way out the door this Sunday morning…..shortly after the above time with the Lord.
We were running late as usual…about five minutes late and I finally got everything together and we are literally walking out the door…. as in Sophie is about to the van and I am on the back porch. And Mitchell looks at me and has the following conversation:
Mitch: Mom, those look like pantyhose you’re wearing. I totally dare you to wear that to church.
Me: WHAT?? I AM wearing this to church. Well, I WAS wearing it to church. For real, you think my leggings look like pantyhose?!?!!
Mitch: Yeah Mom, those totally look like pantyhose.
I totally panicked at the thought that my pants-like-leggings might really look like pantyhose. That would be mortifying. I had on a long sweater with it but still I didn’t want to risk fulfilling my recurring nightmare of showing up in public in my slip…..or worse, my pantyhose! But I was determined not to miss Sunday School over pantyhose so I ran upstairs and threw on a long skirt not even taking the time to take off my leggings. I was quite a sight as I waltzed into Sunday School ten minutes late wearing layer upon layer of clothing. When we got home I showed Randy what I had on originally and he said it was fine so I think I might wear it tonight. And hopefully Mitchell won’t be too embarrassed by me. Ha!
So you can pray for me as I seek to respond to God fully and whole heartedly and you can pray I don’t show up to church looking like I’m in my pantyhose.