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Does putting a dent in my skull count toward the Holiday Curse?

Posted Dec 13 2008 10:49pm

Because, you know, I realize it happened on the day after Thanksgiving, but we couldn’t get the bigger family group together until Friday.

After dinner but before dessert, I offered to go pick up one of the kids from a birthday party so that everyone could be part of the smash and smush angel cake surprise. What’s that? Well. My mother, the woman who never kept sweets in the house and fed us Familia Swiss Muesli until we were old enough to buy our own damn cereal, planned to have the kids slather an angel food cake with freshly whipped cream, bust up a pile of candy canes with a hammer, and sprinkle the debris all over the cake. What kid in his right mind wouldn’t want to be handed a hammer, candy, and whipped cream and told to get busy?

So I borrowed my ex’s Expedition (just to drive it again—it used to be mine), drove to the friend’s house, got out and stepped in a puddle, couldn’t remember the address, drove back home, picked up the school directory, drove back up the street to the party, got out of the car, stepped in the same puddle, and collected my child.

As I grabbed the “oh shit” handle and hoisting myself up into the SUV, my wet clog went flying off the running board and I fell forward at Mach 3 and, luckily, broke the fall with my neck. On the steering wheel.

“Mom, are you okay?”

“Mmmmfhhm.”

“Where are you? Where did you go?”

“I’m down here, babe, I slipped. Let’s go back to Grandma’s.”

So I was just sitting here watching Armageddon on TV, rubbing my neck to get the muscles to relax a bit, when I felt a DENT in my SKULL.

I’m changing my stage name to Klutzina McSlipsky.

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